IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people are happy to spend their whole life in the same area, others prefer to live in many different places in thair life time?

#people #life #area #places #thair #time
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Nowadays,
people
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 have different preferences in choosing fixed or stable places to live and work. Some prefer to stay in their born city lifelong time and others are inclined to experience a diversified life by changing living areas. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both sides of
this
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 different
Use synonyms
lifestylestyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 to seek a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, being settled down in a fixed place satisfies the need to seek a sense of security for those risk-averse
people
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, who show much loyalty to their employer and friends, earning them secure pay and stable friendships in turn.
Moreover
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, being deeply rooted in a community will be beneficial to
career
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 success
due to
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 the intensified and sustainable relationship locally, saving less time on communicating with business partners and the local council.
In addition
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, it is very hard for these
people
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 to feel psychologically lonely under much accompaniment from parents and tight relationships within the community.
On the other hand
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, there is no doubt a trade-off would exist in
this
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 unchanging
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lifestylestyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle style
. Those who are secured in a lifelong job will not have much access to opportunities to explore their true passion in
career
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 path to make informed decisions before settling down.
Furthermore
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, they
also
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 lose the chance to experience a diverse range of cultures and expand their friend circle.
For instance
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, those who choose to study abroad or work as digital nomads would make friends globally, broadening their horizons.
Last
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 but not least, living in different areas
also
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 hones living skills since
people
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 need to become more independent in taking care of their daily lives, and adapting to the new environment. To summarize, it is true that staying in a fixed place for life
long
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
might lead to a sense of security, efficiency for
career
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 success, and a sense of belonging. At the same time,
however
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, a secured
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lifestylestyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle style
also
Linking Words
 means losing the opportunities to explore true
career
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 aspirations, friend circle expansion, and strengthened living skills.
Therefore
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, one can only conclude that there is always a trade-off in choosing either
Use synonyms
lifestylestyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle style
, depending on different value drivers for individuals.
Submitted by erminelyu on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples to illustrate your points. Adding concrete examples will make your argument more compelling and relatable.
coherence cohesion
You need to ensure consistency in the use of terms. There is a recurrence of the term 'lifestylestyle' which seems like a repetition error. This can distract the reader and affect the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, for example 'lifelong time' should be 'a lifetime'. Carefully proofreading your essay can help catch these mistakes.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines the main idea of your essay, providing a strong starting point for your argument.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured, with each paragraph clearly addressing a different aspect of the topic, which helps the reader understand your points easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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