Now many people think that we are spending too much money and time on protecting wild animals. The money should be better spent on human population. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
ultra-modern world, protecting wild
animals
at any cost is some
people
's goal and some other
people
think
this
is a big mistake.
This
essay will illustrate the opinions of persons who agree with
this
argument and
people
who don't.
To begin
, these kinds of
animals
are widely in danger and if we don't help them, we may simply lose them because they absolutely will hurt or get killed by hunters or by other
animals
.
In other words
, they are simple creatures and they need our support and protection.
In addition
, in spite of the high costs, we must protect wildlife
otherwise
we will lose many kinds of
animals
and if we lose an animal, we can never see it again.
For example
, a 2013 study from Harvard University showed that 60% of lions in Africa are in danger and animal control organizations can help them easily.
Thus
, humanity tells us to do so.
On the other hand
, some
people
think that
although
they are in danger and they may get killed we should not spend too much
money
on them because
firstly
, poor
people
around the world need
this
money
more and we can do lots of things with
this
money
to improve their life level
such
as buying houses for them or feeding them. So, spending too much
money
on
animals
is not a good idea. In conclusion, in my opinion, we have to support
animals
at any cost. if we take action we can save lots of species.
Although
some
people
don't think like me.
Submitted by alikiadaah on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that there are smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This makes your arguments more convincing and improves task achievement.
Task Achievement
Although you've addressed both perspectives, make sure to elaborate more on your personal viewpoint in the conclusion. This shows a balanced and comprehensive response.
Task Achievement
You have successfully presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that logically frame the argument.
Task Achievement
Your examples, especially the Harvard University study, effectively support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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