IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoo. While others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views

#people #animals #zoo #zoos
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 period of technology and ultra-modern lifestyle, the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
folks give predominant importance to good eating habits over various forms of physical training. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and my opinion will be discussed in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs with a suitable conclusion. Supporting my agreement with the given statement, I firmly believe that keeping ourselves internally clean is significantly more important than eating a wholesome meal of junk followed by an intense session of training after that.
This
Linking Words
 lifestyle pattern not only keeps us mentally fresh but
also
Linking Words
 physically healthy. To cite an example :- Eating nutrient-rich food in the required quantity helps us keep our bodies in good shape and helps us prevent the development of chronic diseases over time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the Stomach plays a significant role in an individual's health and the saying "a happy gut solves most of your problems" is very true. Explaining some of the other supporting statements, physical exercise is really important but the most important thing is to not overdo it. Heavy work-out not only puts immense stress on our muscles and tissues but
also
Linking Words
 drains our mental stamina, combining
this
Linking Words
 with a limited intake of nutrient-rich food under the name of diet will completely hamper our health. It is true that pushing our body beyond certain limits will have a severe negative impact on our health which can be controlled up to a certain degree and can be controlled with the intake of a balanced diet. In conclusion, a perfect combination of a healthy balanced diet with basic exercises at regular intervals will any day be more beneficial to an individual than overdoing it with heavy protein intake and heavy work-out. I believe that the aforementioned points strongly support my viewpoints.
Submitted by rathan6886 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
1. Valid examples are necessary to back up your points more effectively. 2. Include counterarguments and rebuttals to present a more balanced view. 3. Ensure the ideas directly correspond to the essay topic for a clearer task response.
coherence and cohesion
1. Avoid unrelated content; stay on topic. 2. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to maintain coherence. 3. Consider using more varied transitional phrases to enhance cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a good structure.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are generally well-supported and there is an evident logical flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infringe
  • natural habitats
  • psychological well-being
  • stress and boredom
  • educational experiences
  • wildlife conservation
  • breeding programs
  • endangered species
  • ethical cost
  • virtual reality
  • nature documentaries
  • economic considerations
  • generate income
  • tourism
  • conservation efforts
  • funds
What to do next:
Look at other essays: