IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think governments should spend money in looking for life on other planet, while others think that there are many unsolved problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Opinions are divided on whether money should be used to look for life in space or whether it should be used to deal with other issues on our planet.
While
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 I understand the reasons behind the former view, I still firmly support the latter. Those who believe that governments should spend money on searching for life in space may have several arguments. From their perspective, authorities should charge money on finding the survive on several remote planets out of space. I think
this
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 because they think the Earth is not suitable for them.
For example
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, there are some news shows that our homes now run out of some important resources like fossil fuels and others so we need to look for several
instead
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 of those. Another possible argument is that some theory says that the Earth will be destroyed.
For example
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, several famous prophets like Baba Vanga forecasted that in future, the world would be terminated and we would no longer exist
Nevertheless
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, I still hold the belief that governments should spend property to solve other challenges for several reasons. Chief among these is that the state should use the finances to face pollution in our orb, as it devastates the biodiversity.
For instance
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, if we still do not deal with air pollution, the ozone layer will be broken and the toxic UV beams go through it and will cause negative effects on our skin, it is not good at all. The second reason is that the administration needs to use the budget to develop renewable energy
,
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 and invent the electric transportation industry to reduce the amount of toxic gases that are released by combustion engines. It can be seen that, nowadays the proportion of citizens who use the electric traffic has risen and it can be recognized that the ozone layer has been improved. In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that funds should be used to look for a new life in the universe.
However
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, I would take the view that it should be spent on other issues.

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but the development of your arguments could be more detailed and nuanced. Make sure to elaborate on your points and include more specific examples to substantiate your claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion. While your introduction and conclusion are present, the body paragraphs could be better structured. Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance coherence. Some sentences may be awkward or unclear. Proofreading your work or using grammar-check tools can help improve clarity.
task achievement
You have clearly stated both views on the topic and provided a strong personal opinion, which shows your ability to discuss and evaluate different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, indicating a good structure.
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