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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that people should continue working in their old age if they can.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the development of the society, the issue of retirement has become a public concern. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is better for the elderly to continue working, even after reaching retirement
age
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.
While
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 others argue that the elderly should enjoy their later life. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 I support the former opinion to some extent, but I
also
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 believe that older
people
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 should reduce their working hours. One of the main reasons why
people
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 should continue working in old
age
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 is that the
overall
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 quality of life has improved, making
people
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 more likely to live longer than in the past. With advancements in technology, medicine and social welfare, most urban residents enjoy better healthcare.
As a result
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, many elderly
people
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 still have the ability and energy to
work
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, especially in mentally demanding jobs.
Moreover
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, continuing to
work
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 may help older adults stay mentally active and socially engaged, which can reduce the risk of psychological problems
such
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 as loneliness and depression. Participating in
work
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 and interacting with others daily may help them feel valued and connected to society, rather than feeling isolated and forgotten.
However
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, working in old
age
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 is not suitable for everyone.
People
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 who engaged in physically demanding jobs when they were young may face health problems, and continuing to
work
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 may worsen their condition. In
such
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 cases, it is better for them to retire, switch to easier
work
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, or reduce their working days and hours.
In addition
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 to health concerns, delaying retirement may reduce the job opportunity for younger generations.
This
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 is especially true in developing countries, where youth employment is already a serious issue. In summary,
although
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 working in old
age
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 may benefit some elderly
people
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 by improving their physical and mental well-being, it is not a one-size-fits-all solution. For
people
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 with physical limitations, retiring early may be a better choice.
Furthermore
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, encouraging older
people
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 to remain in the workforce might lead to fewer job opportunities for the young population.
Therefore
Linking Words
, whether to keep working should be based on individual circumstances.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task well. You present your opinion clearly and support it with arguments. However, make sure to elaborate more on a few points to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
You did a good job using paragraphs to separate your ideas. To improve, ensure each paragraph flows clearly into the next. Adding linking words could also help with the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You provided well-supported points, but including more specific examples could strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning a specific profession could illustrate your point about work for the elderly better.
content
The introduction clearly states your position, and the main points are supported with logical reasons.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
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