IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The only way to improve safety on our road is to give stricter punishments to driving offenses. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

#safety #road #punishments #offenses
It is believed by some that the sole implementation of rigorous penalties will potentially mitigate
traffic
 incidents. The writer of
this
 essay disagrees with the upside
due to
 its limited efficiency
as well as
 overshadowing proactive measures. One of the principal reasons why stricter penalties alone cannot fully enhance
road
 safety is that their effectiveness is confined to certain areas. In essence, accidents on the
road
 are often born from a complex interplay of elements, not simply a disregard for the law.
For instance
, it should be acknowledged that scenarios of texting
while
 driving or navigating through harsh weather conditions significantly increase the likelihood of accidents on the
road
.
Hence
,
this
 singular strategy has proved to be inefficient because of the multitude of other impediments exacerbating
this
 menace. Another crucial aspect that must be considered is how
this
 approach may limit alternative methods of reshaping public attitudes towards safety concerns. Specifically, rather than fully focusing towards punishing or fining careless drivers consistently, it is more effective to equip people with particularly problem-solving abilities and a comprehensive understanding of potential accident indicators that are likely to force drivers to become proactive in eliminating and reducing the allure of those
road
-related concerns.
For instance
, Japan has integrated speed cameras
together with
road
 bends as part of a
traffic
 audit in order to warn people from getting involved in
road
 accidents associated with calming the
traffic
 flow during peak hours. In conclusion, the way of punishing relentlessly against
traffic
 offences does not solely contribute to
road
 safety as
this
 strategy is only enforceable in some urgent cases
together with
 closing the door for other proactively alternative measures that can prevent the likelihood of
traffic
 collisions.
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task achievement
While your response is comprehensive, some ideas could benefit from further clarity and elaboration. This might include offering more specific examples or suggestions for proactive measures to improve road safety.
task achievement
Consider rephrasing some sentences to ensure that your ideas are expressed more clearly. For example, the phrase "this singular strategy has proved to be inefficient because of the multitude of other impediments exacerbating this menace" could be simplified to enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, but adding more linking phrases could improve the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with clear main points that are generally well-supported.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well, providing both arguments against the main idea with relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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