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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, there has been an increase ni the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #ni #parents #children #home #school #education
It has become increasingly common to see
that
Correct word choice
apply
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parents in some nations
opting
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opt
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 to
homeschooling
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homeschool
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rather than
sending
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send
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 their
children
 to be educated at school .
Although
this
 trend brings about certain merits, it is
of
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apply
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my firm
believe
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belief
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 that they are overshadowed by its drawbacks . On the one hand ,
this
 way of studying is advantageous to
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 extent to
children
. Parent’s method is suitable and more effective to teach their kids. Studying in the own room where have everything support for learning without leaving
chair
Add an article
the chair
a chair
show examples
. The comfort of your room
also
 allows you to eat and drink immediately
while
 you study and
also
 can take a nap to replenish your strength and regain the energy you
needed
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need
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 to continue studying.
On the other hand
, studying at home could
bring
Verb problem
be
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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disadvantageous to
children
. Focusing on learning that the most necessary
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 but it can be it can be neglected since they may encounter in communicating and socializing with others.
Beside
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Besides
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,
due to
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apply
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they were educated without interaction with peers and
not
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did not
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 have peer pressure
that
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which
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leading
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led
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 to
children
can grow
Wrong verb form
growing
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 up to be shy,
lack of
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lacking
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 personal skills and
also be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 introverted . And
also
have
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has
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 a big negative effect on
efficiency
Add an article
the efficiency
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 of study since lack of
motivate-self
Correct your spelling
motivation
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 and target in studying. In conclusion,
while
 there are certain merits of suitable
in
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apply
show examples
learning’s
Change noun form
learning
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 space and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a positive effect on their health because of teaching by
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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pale in significance when weighed against the advantages related to not
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
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 on and lack of
motivate-self
Correct your spelling
motivation
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study

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coherence cohesion
While your introduction does present a clear stance on the issue, ensure that each body paragraph explicitly ties back to the main argument. This reinforces your stance and creates a stronger coherence.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by including more specific examples or evidence to support each point you make. Specific instances or data can add weight to your argument.
general
Review and correct minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to achieve a more polished and professional tone. This will help in clarifying your ideas for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides a stance. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
You address both advantages and disadvantages of home education, providing a balanced view on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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