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Writing Samples
Band 7

Smartphone is beneficial or not beneficial for children

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It is a well-known fact that
smartphones
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 play a significant role in
children
Use synonyms
’s lives. On the one hand,
smartphones
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 are very useful for
children
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,
on the other hand
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, they can be very damaging. I genuinely believe that there are some downsides and negatives of
smartphones
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on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most
children
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.
To begin
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 with, a number of
children
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 waste an excessive amount of
time
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 on smartphone applications.
Therefore
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, a great number of
children
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 who use
smartphones
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 for a long
time
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 are more likely to experience health problems.
This
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 is because of the fact that some of these
children
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 look on
smartphones
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 for a considerable number of hours in order not to miss new mainstream programmes. It is an undeniable fact that, when
this
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 is the case,
this
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 situation paves the way for certain eye diseases.
For example
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, my distant cousins, who are a bit younger than me, use
smartphones
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 for long hours and have to wear prescription glasses
as a result
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 of that. Another negative effect of
smartphones
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 on
children
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 is a failure in education. There is no doubt that
,
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apply
show examples
children
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 spend a lot of moment in front of the telephone screen.
Therefore
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, when it comes to successful school life, the key factor is consistent studying.
However
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,
children
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 waste a huge amount of
time
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 on mobile apps
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram, Pınterest and Facebook, which is a serious risk as far as efficiency in their school life is concerned.
For instance
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, when I started university the same year Instagram was launched for the first
time
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 and I was really hooked on it
as a result
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, my studying age reduced dramatically.
To conclude
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, there is a wide variety of reasons why smartphone has adverse impacts on
children
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’s lives in terms of health issues and reduced study
time
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 when all these above-mentioned factors are taken into consideration, it looks as though, if we want healthier
children
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 with the best education possible, use of smartphone should be limited.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This will help to enhance clarity and guide the reader through your argument.
logical structure
Provide more varied transitions between ideas to create a smoother flow throughout your essay.
supported main points
The essay provides clear and relevant examples to support the main points.
complete response
The argument is well-developed, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of smartphone usage for children.
clear comprehensive ideas
Despite minor inaccuracies, the essay maintains clarity and a strong position throughout.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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