IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that it is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a common belief that online
content
Use synonyms
 is not helpful in an educational setting.
However
Linking Words
, a more persuasive argument suggests that it can be utilized to guide children because doing so can facilitate flexible learning environments. On one hand, teenagers can easily become distracted when using
web
Use synonyms
content
Use synonyms
 for studying. There is an abundance of irrelevant information on online platforms, which can lead
students
Use synonyms
 to unrelated results.
For example
Linking Words
, when searching for lectures on "How to write a good essay" on YouTube, multiple suggested videos may appear simultaneously.
However
Linking Words
, some of these videos are obviously not related to essay writing methods. In
such
Linking Words
 cases,
students
Use synonyms
 are more likely to be distracted from their original purpose, resulting in negative outcomes.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
web
Use synonyms
content
Use synonyms
 can be effectively utilized for academic purposes. Numerous online lectures and textbooks can assist
students
Use synonyms
 in their studies, regardless of their location or preferred study times.
Additionally
Linking Words
, online lectures are often more affordable than traditional onsite courses, making education more accessible to a wider range of people.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my friends who lived in Jeju-do, the southernmost island of Korea, was able to take the most popular online mathematics course without having to travel to a larger city. She faced no issues with her exams during her high school years.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is evident that the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 can significantly contribute to the studies of
students
Use synonyms
 living in remote areas. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true that
web
Use synonyms
content
Use synonyms
 can sometimes distract children from studying, it is undeniable that it can
also
Linking Words
 overcome barriers of time and distance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I maintain that
web
Use synonyms
content
Use synonyms
 has become essential in children’s learning processes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General
Your essay has a clear structure, and the argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. To take it to an even higher level, consider varying your sentence structures more and incorporating transitional phrases more smoothly to enhance the flow of ideas.
Task Response
To strengthen your task response, ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed. You have addressed both sides, but you could delve slightly deeper into the criticisms of using web content in education.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you did very well. However, to improve further, work on crafting more seamless transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Transition phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'On the other hand' are helpful but using a wider variety could enrich the essay.
Task Achievement
Your main points are clearly supported by relevant examples, which strengthens your argument. The use of the personal anecdote about your friend in Jeju-do adds a genuine, relatable touch.
Task Achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic and contributes to a well-rounded essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present your stance and summarize the key points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interactive learning
  • Digital resources
  • Vast range of learning materials
  • Curated content
  • Misinformation
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Socio-economic divide
  • Global connections
  • Learning styles
  • Traditional educational methods
What to do next:
Look at other essays: