Some people say that web content should be used to instruct children. Others think that it is not helpful in an educational setting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is a common belief that online
content
is not helpful in an educational setting. However
, a more persuasive argument suggests that it can be utilized to guide children because doing so can facilitate flexible learning environments.
On one hand, teenagers can easily become distracted when using web
content
for studying. There is an abundance of irrelevant information on online platforms, which can lead students
to unrelated results. For example
, when searching for lectures on "How to write a good essay" on YouTube, multiple suggested videos may appear simultaneously. However
, some of these videos are obviously not related to essay writing methods. In such
cases, students
are more likely to be distracted from their original purpose, resulting in negative outcomes.
Nevertheless
, web
content
can be effectively utilized for academic purposes. Numerous online lectures and textbooks can assist students
in their studies, regardless of their location or preferred study times. Additionally
, online lectures are often more affordable than traditional onsite courses, making education more accessible to a wider range of people. For instance
, one of my friends who lived in Jeju-do, the southernmost island of Korea, was able to take the most popular online mathematics course without having to travel to a larger city. She faced no issues with her exams during her high school years. Therefore
, it is evident that the internet
can significantly contribute to the studies of Capitalize word
Internet
students
living in remote areas.
In conclusion, while
it is true that web
content
can sometimes distract children from studying, it is undeniable that it can also
overcome barriers of time and distance. Therefore
, I maintain that web
content
has become essential in children’s learning processes.Submitted by JE
on
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General
Your essay has a clear structure, and the argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. To take it to an even higher level, consider varying your sentence structures more and incorporating transitional phrases more smoothly to enhance the flow of ideas.
Task Response
To strengthen your task response, ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed. You have addressed both sides, but you could delve slightly deeper into the criticisms of using web content in education.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you did very well. However, to improve further, work on crafting more seamless transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Transition phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' and 'On the other hand' are helpful but using a wider variety could enrich the essay.
Task Achievement
Your main points are clearly supported by relevant examples, which strengthens your argument. The use of the personal anecdote about your friend in Jeju-do adds a genuine, relatable touch.
Task Achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic and contributes to a well-rounded essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay contains a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present your stance and summarize the key points effectively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?