There is a lot of pressure on young people to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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An argument erupted that students are not doing good in their academic performance nowadays. So,individuals believed that students should only concentrate on their academic courses and

also

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recommended removing extra curriculum subjects from their syllabus.

Thus

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I personally completely disagree with

this

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statement and the reasons will be discussed in

this

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essay.

Firstly

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, non-academic classes are very important. Because it helps to be more creative.

As a result

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, children can be introduced to their unknown skills.

For example

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, a learner is not interested in solving mathematics of its complexity. But he is interested in drawing.

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, if the school authority provides a chance to draw lectures, it will be beneficial to them.Without introducing these lectures,participants will not identify their passion.. like singing, playing, leadership and so on. Altogether,the culture of a country will not move on without the encouragement of

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type of topic.

Secondly

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,only a bookish syllabus makes a boring schedule which is detrimental to mental health.

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this

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situation increases anxiety and depression.

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, it

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affects the development of physical and mental health.Because without playing, many types of diseases become popular among children

such

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as - obesity,diabetes, etc.

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, it makes individuals self-dependent.

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-cookery class helps to learn cooking.

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, students can serve any restaurant in their free time and earn money. In conclusion, only academic lectures are a burden because only concentration on sciences provides a stressful mind.

Thus

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,without refreshing classes, it makes worse situations like inducing various diseases and hampering creativity skills.So the authorities should be conscious of making a syllabus which will provide a good nation.

AafuankazinatoshiWed May 15 2024

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grammar

Work on sentence structure and grammar to make your essay more readable and polished. Try to reduce minor errors such as punctuation mistakes and awkward phrasing.

cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and maintains a logical progression of ideas. This can help improve the logical structure of your essay.

task response

Try to develop each supporting point more thoroughly by providing more detailed explanations and examples.

introduction conclusion

Good job on clearly stating your position in the introduction and providing a summarizing conclusion.

task response

You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

task response

Your essay addresses the task prompt effectively and completely.

13
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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