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Band 2.5

The unlimited use of car caused many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use car? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#car #people
The bar chart illustrates the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
illiteracy
 citizens
according to
 gender
along with
 nations for the previous year.
Overall
, it can be seen that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 accounted for the most illiterate individuals,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 male has
a lower
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lower illiteracy portion
lower illiteracy portions
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illiteracy
 portions than it.
Additionally
, Asia was the region where
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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illiteracy
 rates
higher
Add a missing verb
are higher
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 than when compared to the developed ones. Looking at the first three nations where the
illiteracy
 percentage was predominately female, was slightly higher than males, with the exception of Oceania where the portion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 doubled that of males, was 20% and under 10%,
perspectively
Replace the word
respectively
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. In terms of
Caribbean
Correct article usage
the Caribbean
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, females comprised
for
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apply
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approximately 13% which was 3% higher than males,
while
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 figures in the developed ones were both around 2%. Turning to the remaining regions, there was a
by
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apply
show examples
far greater portion of illiterate women with more than 45% in all three nations.
By contrast
, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
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male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 in Africa in conjunction with
Arab
Correct article usage
the Arab
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 States
were ranging
Wrong verb form
ranged
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 between 26% and 32%,
likewise
Add a comma
likewise,
show examples
 that of
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
South Asia made up roughly 35%.
Submitted by bsphongplg on

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task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the task; however, there are several areas to improve upon. Focus on providing a clear introduction that contextualizes the problem and states your main argument. In the body paragraphs, ensure that you provide specific examples and detailed explanations for each point you make.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains some logical structure, but it could be more coherent. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on connecting phrases and making logical transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Make sure to summarize your points effectively in a conclusion.
general
Avoid repetition and try to use a broader range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This will help make your writing more engaging and sophisticated.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good effort to compare data across different regions and genders. This is a clear attempt to address the task.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a structure where different points are segmented into paragraphs. This is a good practice and shows an understanding of essay organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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