IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In developed countries, more and more people buy and use their cars. Do the advantages for people of car using outweight its disadvantages on environment.

#countries #people #cars #car #outweight #environment
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Although
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, many
people
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 think
cars
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 there are more drawbacks on environment , the number of many heads for
people
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 of
car
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 utilize. There are more advantages of
car
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 for
people
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 in comparison with disadvantages on environment. Nowadays, in all countries there are many different types of well-known
cars
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. It is more comfortable for
people
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 especially for kids and the elderly.
Such
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 as: they can go to somewhere with easily and comfortable by
car
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. So many
people
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 purchase it for as that comforts. It has developed for five years.
According to
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 the wishes of the
people
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 .
Day
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 by
day
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car
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 companies are producing new types of
cars
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. In my point of view
cars
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 do more good compared to harm . So many
people
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 are using from that.
On the other hand
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 lots of
people
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 think
cars
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 will cause damage to environment.
However
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 in these days it is not true opinion because of electric
cars
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 are manufacturing
day
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 by
day
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 and they have imported to Uzbekistan from China since 2020. So electric
cars
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 are not harmful to ambience .
Such
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 as : electric and hybrid vehicles can have significant emissions benefits over conventional vehicles. All electric vehicles produce zero tailpipe emissions. HEV emissions benefits vary by vehicle model and type of hybrid power system. In my point of view
people
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 should to create conditions for own family.
Cars
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 are
also
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 comfort and conditions for
people
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 .
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on constructing a more logical and smooth flow of ideas. For example, transition between advantages and disadvantages paragraphs can be smoother.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of points. Focus on providing clear and comprehensive ideas to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your conclusion to summarize the main points in a clear manner.
task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and specific examples to support the points in your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of car usage.
task achievement
Your writing shows a general understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your intention to emphasize the comfort of cars, especially for kids and elderly, is good.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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