Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In our contemporary era, it is acknowledged by some people that moral ethics need to be educated by the police,
whereas
others argue that families should take care of Linking Words
behavioural
education of their children. In my opinion, child development starts at the early stage in families and parents should be responsible Correct article usage
the behavioural
to teach
what is good or bad, Change preposition
for teaching
in addition
, educational institutions should collaborate with them Linking Words
at
Change preposition
during
middle
and high Correct article usage
the middle
school
stages.
In the modern world, after experiencing various violence, more and more people request Use synonyms
from
their local police department to arrange disciplinary courses for the younger generation. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, they would like them to take the responsibility Linking Words
on
educating young people and changing their attitudes. Change preposition
of
For example
, in the Russian city of Arsk, in 2011, after a crime committed by juveniles in the city centre, domestic policies decided to provide theoretical and practical classes for the youth incorporating moral ethics and traditional values. Linking Words
As a result
, statistics of the youngsters' crime rates significantly declined by 35% in two years.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, individuals' development begins at the family stage, inheriting all values and traditions from their ancestors. Linking Words
Furthermore
, during their student Linking Words
lifes
, Correct your spelling
life
lives
Use synonyms
school's
pastoral care and wellbeing management system Correct article usage
the school's
play
a vital role Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
to fulfil
their behavioral needs and significantly Change preposition
in fulfilling
improve
their attitudes. Wrong verb form
improving
For instance
, in Kazan, in 2010, one boarding Linking Words
school
designed Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a students
students
behaviour system to follow up Fix the agreement mistake
student
their
progression and notify parents Change preposition
on their
with
any results. Change preposition
of
Additionally
, parents were in charge of conducting extra educational Linking Words
works
at home like Fix the agreement mistake
work
20 minute
conversations and active games to strengthen their relationships. Add a hyphen
20-minute
Hence
, pupils of the Linking Words
school
graduated with outstanding results accompanied by exceptional etiquette.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
communty
Correct your spelling
community
argue
that the police should take action to teach the youth how to behave properly. Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
Nevertheless
, others, including myself, think that adults should be responsible Linking Words
to tackle
Change preposition
for tackling
with
Change preposition
apply
this
issue.Linking Words
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task response
The essay presents a complete response to the task, covering both views and offering a personal opinion. However, the introduction could be made clearer by directly stating the aim of the essay and briefly mentioning the structure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph discusses a single main idea. The second body paragraph could be more focused if it only talks about parental and school responsibilities without digressing into specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Add more elaboration and clarity to the ideas presented. For example, you can explain in more detail why parents and educational institutions should play a role and how they complement each other.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task response
Good use of examples to support the arguments, like the case studies from Arsk and Kazan, which add credibility to the points made.
task response
The essay addresses the task effectively by presenting both sides of the argument and offering a well-reasoned personal opinion.