In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
Many
people
nowadays live longer than before and many societies argue that it would be burden
Add an article
a burden
in
some points. Change preposition
at
However
, there are communities that assume this
could be benefit
them Change the verb form
benefit
especially
among Add the comma(s)
, especially
scientist
because they could have more Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
specialist
. I wholeheartedly agree that the advantages of having Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
outweigth
the disadvantages.
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
To begin
with, the
society assumes that having Correct article usage
apply
Correct article usage
an eldery
eldery
would require extra healthcare and resources Correct your spelling
elderly
while
they are not in
their productive Change preposition
at
age
to invent something. Additionally
, in some countries, the government has regulation
to Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
accomodate
and Correct your spelling
accommodate
taking
care of Wrong verb form
take
eldery
and having more old Correct your spelling
elderly
people
would charge them more. For instance
, in some areas in Indonesia that
most of the citizens are farmers, they need more workers Correct word choice
where
in
productive Change preposition
of
age
while
the ageing population makes the workers are limited. Nevertheless
, in some aspects, Correct article usage
the eldery
eldery
are needed and Correct your spelling
elderly
this
could outweigh the disadvantages.
The age
of people
are align
with the expertise they have and in some aspects Change the verb form
are aligned
are aligning
such
as science and health, the
experts are needed to develop things. Correct article usage
apply
This
due
to the fact that the experts had more knowledge as they are Add a missing verb
is due
deepen
certain Wrong verb form
deepening
area
for a long time. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
For example
, specialist doctors spend almost 12 years after graduated
to have a specialist in Change the form of the verb
graduating
certain
area and most of them would have many experiences that could deepen their knowledge and the key is time. Add an article
a certain
Due to
this
fact, old citizens are precious because they could
share and invent things that enhance the quality of life.
Wrong verb form
can
To conclude
, in some specifics area
Fix the agreement mistake
specific areas
such
as science, they need more people
with experiences
to Fix the agreement mistake
experience
be include
in the research. Change the verb form
be included
While
in some aspects such
as sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
the
Correct article usage
apply
age
is paramount because of health reasons, the advancement of science is more impactful for human being
and having more professionals Fix the agreement mistake
beings
are
important. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Therefore
, having an ageing population would more
Add a missing verb
be more
benefit
for human beings.Replace the word
beneficial
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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more specific and detailed examples to support the main points. For instance, discussing specific cases where elderly professionals in science or healthcare have made significant contributions could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the introduction and conclusion. The introduction can be more engaging and explicit in stating the intention of the essay. Likewise, the conclusion should more clearly summarize the main points discussed and restate the overall opinion more definitively.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Certain phrases and sentences can be rephrased for better readability and grammatical accuracy. For example, "the society assumes that having elderly would require extra healthcare and resources" could be rephrased to "many people believe that an aging population would increase the demand for healthcare and resources."
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic.
task achievement
The writer provides a balanced view by considering both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population before concluding with a personal opinion.
task achievement
The main ideas are relevant to the topic and demonstrate an understanding of the issue. The mention of specific fields like science and healthcare adds depth to the argument.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...