In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many
people
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nowadays live longer than before and many societies argue that it would be
burden
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a burden
show examples
in
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at
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some points.
However
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, there are communities that assume
this
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could
be benefit
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benefit
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them
especially
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, especially
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among
scientist
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scientists
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because they could have more
specialist
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specialists
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. I wholeheartedly agree that the advantages of having
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eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
outweigth
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outweigh
outweighs
the disadvantages.
To begin
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with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society assumes that having
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
an eldery
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eldery
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elderly
would require extra healthcare and resources
while
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they are not
in
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at
show examples
their productive
age
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to invent something.
Additionally
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, in some countries, the government has
regulation
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regulations
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to
accomodate
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accommodate
and
taking
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take
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care of
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eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
and having more old
people
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would charge them more.
For instance
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, in some areas in Indonesia
that
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where
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most of the citizens are farmers, they need more workers
in
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of
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productive
age
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while
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the ageing population makes the workers are limited.
Nevertheless
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, in some aspects,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the eldery
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eldery
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elderly
are needed and
this
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could outweigh the disadvantages. The
age
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of
people
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are align
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are aligned
are aligning
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with the expertise they have and in some aspects
such
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as science and health,
the
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apply
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experts are needed to develop things.
This
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due
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is due
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to the fact that the experts had more knowledge as they are
deepen
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deepening
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certain
area
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areas
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for a long time.
For example
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, specialist doctors spend almost 12 years after
graduated
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graduating
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to have a specialist in
certain
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a certain
show examples
area and most of them would have many experiences that could deepen their knowledge and the key is time.
Due to
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this
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fact, old citizens are precious because they
could
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can
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share and invent things that enhance the quality of life.
To conclude
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, in some
specifics area
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specific areas
show examples
such
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as science, they need more
people
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with
experiences
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experience
show examples
to
be include
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be included
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in the research.
While
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in some aspects
such
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as
sport
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sports
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the
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apply
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age
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is paramount because of health reasons, the advancement of science is more impactful for human
being
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beings
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and having more professionals
are
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is
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important.
Therefore
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, having an ageing population would
more
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be more
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benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
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for human beings.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing more specific and detailed examples to support the main points. For instance, discussing specific cases where elderly professionals in science or healthcare have made significant contributions could strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the introduction and conclusion. The introduction can be more engaging and explicit in stating the intention of the essay. Likewise, the conclusion should more clearly summarize the main points discussed and restate the overall opinion more definitively.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Certain phrases and sentences can be rephrased for better readability and grammatical accuracy. For example, "the society assumes that having elderly would require extra healthcare and resources" could be rephrased to "many people believe that an aging population would increase the demand for healthcare and resources."
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with distinct paragraphs discussing different aspects of the topic.
task achievement
The writer provides a balanced view by considering both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population before concluding with a personal opinion.
task achievement
The main ideas are relevant to the topic and demonstrate an understanding of the issue. The mention of specific fields like science and healthcare adds depth to the argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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