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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In contemporary society, it is becoming more popular to enter
university
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, and competition is rising day by day.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives.
Although
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 it is for the better, as lots of people get motivation from
this
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, they will try their best, but there are
also
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 flip sides, as it can lead to emotional damage. Nowadays, there are lots of
students
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 who want to be educated, so there is rising competition among people.
As a consequence
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,
students
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 have more candidates to compete with, which
also
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 increases their motivation to study hard in order to enter the
university
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.
For instance
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, there are just dozens of people who want to be
students
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 at one of the most prestigious universities, Harvard, so in order to enter
this
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university
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,
students
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 should be really clever and study hard.
Thus
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, as there is a rising demand for entering universities,
students
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 are trying their best to be accepted.
However
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, on the negative side, it can be harmful to your well-being.Only preparing for admission to the
university
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 can be overwhelming and exhausting.
Furthermore
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, it can cause numerous health issues, including emotional contamination and exhaustion.
For example
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,there are lots of
students
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 who applied to the
university
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, but they failed to enter.
As a consequence
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, it causes really great pressure, so many
students
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 feel defeated and burned out.
Thus
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,it can lead to several strength issues
such
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 as emotional harm
To conclude
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,as the desire to be educated is rising, more and more
students
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 are applying for entry, so it is increasing motivation among
students
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, so they are studying hard, but despite these benefits, it
also
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 offers some energy problems that can lead to emotional destruction

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task achievement
Expand on your examples with more specific details to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is clear, but it would benefit from a brief summary of the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to elevate your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction that sets up the essay well.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted the positive and negative aspects of the topic, giving a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your points are relevant and relate directly to the question, maintaining focus throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievements
  • foster
  • culture of excellence
  • merit-based system
  • dedicated
  • educational institutions
  • quality education
  • future workforce
  • stress and pressure
  • fierce competition
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • burnout
  • tertiary education
  • less privileged backgrounds
  • exacerbate
  • social inequality
  • drives innovation
  • programs and facilities
  • overemphasis
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • ethical judgment
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