In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It is claimed by a few
people
that the aging
population has no contribution and only gives problems to countries. I believe, apart from their little importance to the countries, elders share benefits as much as young Change the spelling
ageing
people
have and the following paragraphs will discuss it in detail.
When the older population increases by a significant number, at least two advantages are gained. The first one is their real contribution to society
. As an illustration, the old professors and teachers who are still fit and healthy usually still work, so their contribution cannot be underestimated. The older they are, the more value they get from society
because they have more knowledge to share. Another positive thing is their support, both physically and mentally. It is undoubtedly true that old people
like to be involved and actively participate in any event, either in a small or big community, therefore
they are more helpful than the young.
Unfortunately, elders, for some reasons
, are often seen as unimportant. Fix the agreement mistake
reason
This
is because their productivity decreases, and at some point, their existence will be disadvantageous for society
. In the workplace, for instance
, indeed, older people
have lots of experience, but their creativity is not as good as the young generation, not to mention
their skills are outdated since they rarely use technology on a day-to-day basis. This
situation certainly puts a burden on the company since the company needs employees who are more update with recent developments. As a result
, their positions in the office are awkward, meaning, they have fewer jobs to do.
In conclusion, I think that all generations, including older people
, have equal positions in society
and they contribute something to the country’s development. Governments should treat all fairly and give support for their existence.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
In the second paragraph, you mention the advantages of an ageing population, but you could further elaborate on specific examples and benefits to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to maintain coherence. For instance, transitions between points could be more seamless to enhance readability.
task achievement
In the third paragraph, discuss more varied disadvantages to provide a balanced view, rather than mainly focusing on productivity and technology issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a concise conclusion.
task achievement
The arguments are generally clear and the language is varied, demonstrating a good grasp of English.
task achievement
You provided relevant points and examples, particularly in discussing the contributions of elderly people.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.