IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that no one should work after the age of sixty-five while others say that they can work as long as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The older are the period of
people
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 to take a rest from doing a job. The
people
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 feel safe in
this
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 moment as they only need to think about their health, not thinking about the job again.
While
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 some older
people
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 still want to be involved in the job. In my opinion, I agree that older
people
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 take an opportunity to be safe from work and do an activity to improve their health rather than think about collecting money. I will discuss
this
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 topic in
this
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 essay. I start with the life satisfaction of older. It will appear in older when they have all the basics needed and do not think about materials again.
For example
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, older man has good health as they exercise every day, eat food with appropriate nutrition, have time to rest, and always check their condition in the hospital every month.
In addition
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, the government has the responsibility to serve the older and help them to get all facilities.
As a result
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, the number of older adults with illnesses will decrease, and the cost of anticipating
this
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 phenomenon will fall, too.
On the other hand
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, Old with less financial support will make an effort to get money in
this
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 mass. Not much work that they can do is suitable for their physical ability. I think the older man can give a speech in the forum that talks about their experiences.
For instance
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, They talk about management in companies, how to make a decision, how to give instructions, and many others.
Then
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, those kinds of
people
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 can provide a position in social organisation humanities. In conclusion,
people
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 who retire have an opportunity to enjoy their investment.
However
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, some of them still take chances to get some money.

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task response
Your introduction should clearly present both views of the argument and your own opinion. Aim to make your position on the topic clear from the beginning.
task response
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with supporting details and explanations.
task response
Include more specific examples to support your argument. This will demonstrate your ability to consider and explain ideas in-depth.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each with a central topic sentence. Avoid grouping unrelated ideas within the same paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Utilize cohesive devices effectively, such as linking words and phrases, to ensure a smooth flow of ideas from one sentence to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes your main points and reiterates your position clearly, without presenting new information.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement age
  • quality of life
  • unemployment
  • arbitrary age limit
  • individual capability
  • mentally active
  • valuable assets
  • experience and knowledge
  • continuity and stability
  • fresh ideas
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