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Band 5

With the technological development, some people think technology reduce crime, but some people think it encourage crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion

#development #people #technology #crime
Some argue
thst
Correct your spelling
that
the
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apply
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technological advancement has caused
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 decline in crime,
while
 others
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 it as
initiation
Add an article
the initiation
an initiation
show examples
 of different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of offence. I totally agree with
this
 statement as
although
the
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apply
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physical crimes are no longer abundant, But
the
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apply
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cyberbulling
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cyberbullying
cyber bullying
 and online identity
theaft
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theft
 are more common. Different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of violations had been monitored and by the time declined in number. The
avability
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availability
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distribution of
serverance
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severance
camiras
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cameras
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 vital areas have played a key role in managing the number of illegal actions.
Moreover
, advanced
artifitial intellegance
Correct your spelling
artificial intelligence
 tools have assisted in personal identification by using facial features or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vocal recognition.
Thus
, any individual to think twice before the
attepmt
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attempt
 to break the low.
For example
, all the records have highlighted that big and
over populated
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overpopulated
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 cities
same
Correct word choice
such
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 as New York and London are now more
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
 and safer
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
previous
Change the word
previously
show examples
 after implementing
a high-tech tools
Correct the article-noun agreement
high-tech tools
a high-tech tool
show examples
 for close observation.
On the other hand
,
on-line
Correct your spelling
online
show examples
 hacking is now one of the major concerns
globaly
Correct your spelling
globally
. Hackers tend to use
the
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apply
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social media and other popular websites to victimize people by stealing their personal details and
the
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apply
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credit
cards
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card
show examples
 numbers
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 reckless internet users.
In addition
,
Cyberbulling
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
 can impact teenagers badly if their sensitive photos
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 published without their permission,
hence
,
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 exposed to humiliation among family and friends, which eventually will end
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 major psychological
disturance
Correct your spelling
disturbance
disturbances
distance
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of insecurity.
For instance
, most adolescents tend to seek
conseling
Correct your spelling
counselling
 after
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
 experience. In conclusion,
Although
 the
rapid
Change the adjective
rapidly
show examples
 evolved technology
facilitate
Wrong verb form
facilitated
show examples
 the
disapperance
Correct your spelling
disappearance
 of specific law-breaking acts, it helped the
flourish
Replace the word
flourishing
show examples
 of other types of
violance
Correct your spelling
violence
.
This
 essay
advocate
Change the verb form
advocates
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
 initiative as all nations are initiating radical solutions to overcome the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of global internet communications.
Submitted by ahmed_berry310eg on

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task achievement
To improve the task response, ensure that your position is clearly stated and maintained throughout the essay. Avoid minor grammatical errors such as “specialy” instead of “especially” and “theaft” instead of “theft.”
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, make sure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion should be more comprehensive, summarizing the main points discussed in the essay and restating your opinion more clearly.
task achievement
You have addressed both views on the issue, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your main points.
task achievement
Your essay covers a range of arguments, showing a good understanding of the topic.
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