Some people believe that the authorities should spend more money on healthcare than on other areas such as education and sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The ‏question of whether the authorities should spend more money on
healthcare
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than on education and sports has sparked a significant amount of debate in recent years.
While
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some
people
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believe that
this
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trend brings various drawbacks, I completely disagree with
this
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notion and support the idea of spending more money on
healthcare
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.
This
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is primarily because it leads to reducing financial pressure on understanding families, and
furthermore
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, it contributes to improving public health. ‏On the one hand, the primary reason why I support
this
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idea is that it reduces financial pressure.
This
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is because
It
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it
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allows
people
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to receive treatment without high costs, which plays a vital role in enhancing the situation for many individuals.
Furthermore
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,
this
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approach assists
people
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in achieving better results in their daily lives.
For example
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, free
healthcare
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helps low-income families avoid expensive hospital bills.
Consequently
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,
it is clear that
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this
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trend leads to positive outcomes for society.
On the other hand
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, another significant advantage of
this
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movement is improving public health.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that Early treatment prevents serious diseases, leading to a positive impact on the community.
Moreover
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, the authorities can improve the quality of life by supporting
such
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initiatives.
For instance
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, vaccination programs reduce the spread of infectious diseases.
As a result
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,
this
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contributes significantly to ensuring a stable and prosperous future for everyone. In conclusion,
although
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some
people
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focus on the disadvantages, I firmly believe that spending more money on
healthcare
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is highly beneficial.
This
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is because it reduces financial pressure and improves public health , which enhances the
overall
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quality of life in society.

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task
Choose one side and stick to it. The essay says the writer both disagrees with the idea and wants more money for health, which is not clear. Pick yes or no, then give reasons.
task
Add more solid ideas and link them to health funding. Use simple facts like lower bills for poor families, and better protection from disease.
coherence
Make a clear plan. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that shows the idea, then add one or two easy details.
coherence
Use clear links in your writing. Do not use too many 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' when you only argue for one side. Try words like 'first', 'also', 'in addition'.
content
Clear statement that health care is a big topic for spending, and that you give reasons.
content
Use of examples like free care for poor families and vaccines to show how policy helps people.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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