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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the contemporary era, some countries have a majority of young
people
Use synonyms
 in their population. In my opinion,
this
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 phenomenon significantly contributes to the development of these countries, despite some minor drawbacks.
To begin
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 with, the physical and mental attributes of younger generations make them more effective than the elderly in various fields
such
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 as business and education. Their ability to tolerate long work shifts, handle heavy workloads, and summarize large amounts of information makes them valuable contributors to society.
Furthermore
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, these abilities accelerate the
country
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's economic development since young
people
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 are typically faster and more innovative.
Consequently
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, they are more likely to drive the
country
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 towards prosperity.
For instance
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, in Iran, where the population is mostly aged between 35 and 45, young
people
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 have significantly contributed to industrial fields by speeding up construction and production processes.
In addition
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, young adults often enjoy taking risks. Their willingness to explore the unknown fosters innovation and creativity in society. Their urge to explore can lead to remarkable inventions or discoveries, enhancing their
country
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's global status.
This
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, in turn, can forge strong international relationships and
further
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 economic gains.
Moreover
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,
this
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 situation builds social confidence, identity, and a positive outlook toward their nation, contributing to
overall
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 mental well-being.
For instance
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, in China,
while
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 the mortality rate among older
people
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 has risen, the
country
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 has seen substantial increases in innovation and technological advancements, highlighting the significant opportunities the younger generation can bring.
However
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, the downsides of
this
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 situation should not be overlooked. Many argue that as the number of young
people
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 increases, traditional cultural values may diminish. With fewer older individuals to pass down historical knowledge, cultural heritage and traditional beliefs may fade away.
For example
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, in China, despite advancements in thinking, few
people
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 remain who are aware of traditional ways of life.
However
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, preserving cultural history should not come at the expense of global progress. In conclusion,
while
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 there are some drawbacks to having a predominantly young population, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh these disadvantages. The energy, innovation, and potential of young
people
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 can lead to a prosperous, harmonious, and intellectually vibrant
country
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 that benefits society as a whole.

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task achievement
Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively presents a balanced opinion. For a higher score, consider including a brief exploration of counterarguments in separate paragraphs to show thorough examination of different perspectives.
task achievement
To make your points even stronger, provide more specific examples or statistics where possible. For example, when discussing innovation and technological advancements in China, mentioning a particular innovation could support your point more emphatically.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, and use more transitional phrases to enhance the flow. This will make your essay even more cohesive and easier to read.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and concise, effectively setting the stage for your argument.
supported main points
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as the impact of young adults in Iran and China.
clear comprehensive ideas
Each main point is well-supported with evidence and clear reasoning.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument.
logical structure
Despite some perceived drawbacks, the essay emphasizes the advantages in a coherent and persuasive manner.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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