Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion
Modern
technology
plays a crucial role in creating a borderless society, regardless of language. Some commentators argue that technology
also
has separated us from the real world. In this
essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my opinion on this
matter.
Technology
offers multiple benefits to improve people
's lives, especially by strengthening relationships. Some individuals use their phones to communicate with their friends
from different parts of the world through online applications such
as Skype and Facebook. For example
, some exchange students often share their contacts and social media accounts to maintain their friendships with foreign friends
. They can follow each other’s activities, write some comments, and send e-birthday cards to celebrate with
their Change preposition
apply
friends
' moments. Moreover
, technology
has demolished language barriers through translation applications. As a result
, people
are also
able to communicate and make new friends
who speak different languages.
On the other hand
, technology
has also
changed people
's lifestyles in negative ways. People
used to talk and spend their time with actual people
in real life. However
, due to
technology
disruptions, many people
now concentrate more on their phones and chat with their online followers rather than interacting with people
in real life. For instance
, some individuals focus solely on their phones while
eating with family, lead
to family relationship issues and physical problems Wrong verb form
leading
such
as depression or bad eyesight.
In conclusion, although
It is likely that people
are increasingly addicted to social media and less engaged with friends
or families in real life, Technology
still offers considerable advantages, it connects people
from different cultures and languages in one platform, making them global citizens.Submitted by bhavifasai on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. You can achieve this by using more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating phrases like 'On the other hand,' consider alternatives such as 'Conversely,' or 'In contrast.'
task achievement
For the task response, make sure to address both sides of the argument equally. While you've discussed both viewpoints, your essay would benefit from a more balanced analysis, where both perspectives are given equal weight.
task achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness, make sure your ideas are fully developed. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, supported thoroughly with explanations and examples. For instance, you can elaborate more on how technology can lead to depression or bad eyesight.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
Your examples, such as those involving social media and language barriers, are relevant and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed both viewpoints, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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