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Writing Samples
Band 7

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys
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Parents
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 love their
children
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 dearly and strive to provide for all their needs. Some believe
this
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 has significant merits,
while
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 others see distinctive drawbacks.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and provide a personal opinion
at the end
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.
Firstly
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,
children
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 are often introduced to
toys
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due to
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 their various developmental benefits.
To begin
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 with,
toys
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 promote creativity by stimulating a child's imagination, allowing them to explore different stories and scenarios with
toys
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 like Monopoly, Playhouse, and Doctor's Kit.
This
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 creative play is essential for cognitive development and helps
children
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 learn to think outside the box.
Secondly
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,
toys
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 contribute to mental growth by promoting educational values.
For instance
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, primary schools use
toys
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 with various shapes, letters, and numbers to teach toddlers. These educational
toys
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 can enhance learning and make the educational process more engaging and enjoyable for young
children
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.
Additionally
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, playing with
toys
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 helps develop fine and gross motor skills, which are crucial for
overall
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 physical development.
On the other hand
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, many recent parent surveys describe the issues associated with having excessive
toys
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. Many
parents
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 suggest that an overabundance of
toys
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 overstimulates
children
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, making it difficult for them to focus on one activity.
This
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 constant stimulation can lead to shorter attention spans and difficulty in concentrating on tasks. Others believe it diminishes
children
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's appreciation for their belongings, as they may take their
toys
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 for granted and not learn the value of taking care of their possessions.
However
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, the most significant concern is that it encourages materialism, where
children
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 measure their happiness and self-worth through their possessions.
This
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 materialistic mindset can have long-term negative effects on a child's values and priorities. In conclusion,
while
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 having many
toys
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 can bring joy to
children
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 and promote personal development in various ways, it is the
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parents'
Correct your spelling
parent's
show examples
 duty to help their
children
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 understand the use and importance of their
toys
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. By doing so,
parents
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 can educate their
children
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 and mitigate the drawbacks of possessing multiple
toys
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.
This
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 balanced approach ensures that
children
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 can enjoy the benefits of
toys
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 without falling prey to the potential disadvantages. Ultimately, parental guidance is key in fostering a healthy relationship between
children
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 and their
toys
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, enabling them to grow into well-rounded individuals.
Submitted by nick on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is generally very well-organized and maintains a clear and consistent logical structure. However, try to vary sentence structures and include more complex sentences to improve the flow of information.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, ensure you integrate more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will provide a more vivid and convincing argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is concise and clearly outlines the topic and the purpose of the essay.
supported main points
The essay includes strong main points that are relevant and well-supported with logical arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a balanced perspective on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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