IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some students work while studying, resulting in a lack of time for education and constant pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some
students
Use synonyms
 take part-time jobs
while
Linking Words
 still studying, which may result in poor academic performance and mental health issues. The main reasons why they persist are financial hardship and insecurity about their future, often combined with overconfidence. These challenges,
however
Linking Words
, can be mitigated through scholarships, low-interest loans, and professional guidance.
Students
Use synonyms
 typically
work
Use synonyms
 for two main purposes
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 financial survival and gaining practical experience. On the one hand, those from disadvantaged backgrounds must earn money to cover tuition fees and living expenses;
otherwise
Linking Words
, they risk dropping out of school altogether.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, since employers today often value both academic qualifications and
work
Use synonyms
 experience,
students
Use synonyms
 may feel pressured to pursue both at the same time.
While
Linking Words
 balancing even one of these demands can be difficult, some
students
Use synonyms
—driven by overconfidence or anxiety about future career prospects—still attempt to achieve both simultaneously.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, schools and governments can take steps to alleviate these problems. Providing scholarships to
students
Use synonyms
 from low-income families can reduce their financial burden and allow them to focus more on their studies.
In addition
Linking Words
, governments could encourage banks to offer student loans at lower interest rates, helping those who are reluctant to borrow under standard conditions. For
students
Use synonyms
 who are impatient or overly ambitious in combining degrees with
work
Use synonyms
 experience, access to career consultants or mentors in similar fields would provide valuable guidance and prevent them from making unwise choices. In conclusion, the main causes behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are financial difficulties and insecurity about the future. By offering financial support and professional mentorship, educational institutions and governments can help
students
Use synonyms
 strike a healthier balance between their studies and
work
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
The essay answers the task well but add a short plan at the start and a final sentence that sums your view.
structure
Put ideas in a clear order: first causes, then effects, then fixes. Use clear links like because, so, and also.
content
Add one or two real examples for each cause so the reader sees the point.
language
Check grammar and use simple, common words to avoid errors.
length
Aim for about 250-300 words for IELTS task 2.
content
The essay shows a clear view on why students work while studying.
structure
Good use of linking words to connect ideas.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: