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Band 7

Some people think that the computers will be more intelligent than humans. Others are worried about the negative consequences of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #computers #humans #consequences
Some would argue that
computers
 will be more powerful than individuals,
while
 others are concerned about the bad results of them.
While
 the power of
computers
 will overtake the power of
humans
, I believe that they can help us in various aspects and improve our lives. On the one hand, the pace of growth of some features of
computers
 like artificial
intelligence
 is improving considerably and it can be seen all people now
use
 them. Artificial
intelligence
 works like the brains of
humans
 and it learns everything that we provide as
data
.
In other words
, if artificial
intelligence
 is considered an infant, by feeding
data
 it grows and after a period we will face an adult who gains a lot of
data
 and records them forever,
while
,
humans
' brains can not
use
 all the information
that is
 gained. It means
,
Remove the comma
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 artificial
intelligence
 can process all
data
 and events faster than individuals.
For example
,
this
 feature now is utilized in robots and some of them show their emotions,
this
 means, they may overtake
humans
 and
humans
 may be in danger.
However
, I believe that we can control their bad consequences by making some restrictions and these kinds of technologies can improve our lives in different aspects.
On the other hand
, enhancing these kinds of features is thought to improve our life quality. Some technologies used in
computers
 including artificial
intelligence
 and machine learning are used in various fields like medicine, engineering, and financial issues. Nowadays, many high-tech companies
use
 them to predict the trends of events that can help us to make a suitable plan for different problems.
For instance
, machine learning now is used in medicine to predict cancer or potential diseases that
humans
 may encounter. In my opinion,
computers
 and their features can make better conditions for
humans
 because we can
use
 them to predict all events. In conclusion,
although
 overtaking the power of
computers
 can breed some problems and
humans
 may confront dangerous situations, making limitations, can help us in all aspects of our lives.
Submitted by hadadianmohamadhossein on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and avoid repetition.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and effectively.
Task Response
Make sure all paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas and examples. Some parts could benefit from further expansion or more specific examples.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to detail to avoid minor grammatical errors that could distract from your message.
Introduction
You provided a clear thesis statement in your introduction, effectively setting the stage for your discussion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarises the essay, reiterating your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
You demonstrated clear progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph, with logical connections that enhance the coherence of the essay.
Task Response
You addressed both views of the argument before providing your own opinion, which meets the task's requirements well.
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