IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the computers will be more intelligent than humans. Others are worried about the negative consequences of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some would argue that
computers
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 will be more powerful than individuals,
while
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 others are concerned about the bad results of them.
While
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 the power of
computers
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 will overtake the power of
humans
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, I believe that they can help us in various aspects and improve our lives. On the one hand, the pace of growth of some features of
computers
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 like artificial
intelligence
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 is improving considerably and it can be seen all people now
use
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 them. Artificial
intelligence
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 works like the brains of
humans
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 and it learns everything that we provide as
data
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.
In other words
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, if artificial
intelligence
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 is considered an infant, by feeding
data
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 it grows and after a period we will face an adult who gains a lot of
data
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 and records them forever,
while
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,
humans
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' brains can not
use
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 all the information
that is
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 gained. It means
,
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apply
show examples
 artificial
intelligence
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 can process all
data
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 and events faster than individuals.
For example
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,
this
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 feature now is utilized in robots and some of them show their emotions,
this
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 means, they may overtake
humans
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 and
humans
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 may be in danger.
However
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, I believe that we can control their bad consequences by making some restrictions and these kinds of technologies can improve our lives in different aspects.
On the other hand
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, enhancing these kinds of features is thought to improve our life quality. Some technologies used in
computers
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 including artificial
intelligence
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 and machine learning are used in various fields like medicine, engineering, and financial issues. Nowadays, many high-tech companies
use
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 them to predict the trends of events that can help us to make a suitable plan for different problems.
For instance
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, machine learning now is used in medicine to predict cancer or potential diseases that
humans
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 may encounter. In my opinion,
computers
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 and their features can make better conditions for
humans
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 because we can
use
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 them to predict all events. In conclusion,
although
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 overtaking the power of
computers
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 can breed some problems and
humans
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 may confront dangerous situations, making limitations, can help us in all aspects of our lives.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and avoid repetition.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and effectively.
Task Response
Make sure all paragraphs are well-developed with clear main ideas and examples. Some parts could benefit from further expansion or more specific examples.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to detail to avoid minor grammatical errors that could distract from your message.
Introduction
You provided a clear thesis statement in your introduction, effectively setting the stage for your discussion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarises the essay, reiterating your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
You demonstrated clear progression of ideas from paragraph to paragraph, with logical connections that enhance the coherence of the essay.
Task Response
You addressed both views of the argument before providing your own opinion, which meets the task's requirements well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • artificial intelligence (AI)
  • machine learning
  • superintelligent computers
  • algorithms
  • process data
  • ethical dilemmas
  • job displacement
  • surveillance
  • cyber-attacks
  • privacy and security
  • recognize patterns
  • strategic games
  • dependence
  • individual freedoms
  • proponents
  • outperform
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