In their advertisements, business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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It has been a trend that a lot of
business
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businesses
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show new and creative
part
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parts
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of their
products
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these days. As technologies are improving rapidly, firms need new ways to advertise their
goods
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which is a positive phenomenon.
It is clear that
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advanced technologies affect consumers and producers in various ways.
Products
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with
same
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the same
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performance
does
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do
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not have any competitiveness in the economy as
people
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want things that are better than the other. Companies,
therefore
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, need to find methods to develop their
products
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and appeal to the crowd that it is different compared to other
goods
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. It leads to a positive effect
to
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on
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both
who
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apply
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supply and demand. First of all, consumers benefit as they can use
products
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that are advanced as time goes by.
For example
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, in cosmetic
fields
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fields,
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people
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tend to find sun creams that can protect their skin better. In order to meet their needs firms do a lot of research and development.
Due to
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these effort
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this effort
these efforts
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, more
people
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buy the
goods
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they made which
make
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makes
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them take care of their skin at home without going to aesthetics and
also
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benefit
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benefits
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the firm to earn more money.
In
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addition
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addition,
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new ways of advertisement can emphasise the advantage when the product is used and catch someone's eyes better.
This
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leads to an increase in
quantity
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the quantity
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of demand and boosts the profit of the firm. To illustrate, a company in Korea made a song to advertise their product's creativity and as
people
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got addicted to the song more and more
people
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tried to use it which made
an
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a
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rapid increase
of
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in
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the firm's return. We can see that businesses making songs or videos showing their product's new function make them look confident
of
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in
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their
goods
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leading to an increase
the
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in the
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demand
of
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for
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it
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them
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. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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firms making numerous and creative advertisements can affect the consumer and supplier in a positive way; providing better
goods
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and earning more money.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more structured approach. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and logically follows the one before it. This will enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but some areas could use more depth and clarity. Ensure that each main point is clearly explained and directly related to the essay question.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, adding more specific details or case studies will help strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved to make your essay more polished.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly introduces the topic and your opinion, which sets up a strong foundation for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, providing a strong end to your essay.
relevant specific examples
Your examples, such as the sun cream and the Korean company, are relevant and illustrate your points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty-seeking behavior
  • saturated market
  • unique value proposition
  • continual improvement
  • unnecessary consumerism
  • environmental damage
  • unrealistic expectations
  • throwaway culture
  • technological advancement
  • innovation and creativity
  • differentiate
  • foster
  • exacerbate
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