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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue that technological advancements , such as smartphones and the Internet, have had a negative impact on social interactions and human relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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In
this
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 advancement of technology, there are various opinions regarding modern technologies.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
such
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 advancements are deteriorating social lives and interactions, others think it does not.
However
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, I disagree with the former opinion, as there have been significant changes in our way of
interaction
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 since mobile phones and the
Internet
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 existed. One of the drawbacks of the excessive use of mobile phones and surfing the
internet
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 is the diminishing face-to-face
interaction
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 in the real world,
however
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, they are actually created to fill the gaps of wider communication. The rapid development of smartphones and other advanced
devices
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 has empowered
people
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 by providing easy access to information, services, and social networks, thereby improving their daily lives. Indeed, the
Internet
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, a product of scientific innovation, has
also
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 revolutionized the way we access information, communicate, and conduct business.
Hence
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, these two technological advancements should boost the real
interaction
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 of
people
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 as they are properly utilized. Social relationships are another side
that is
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 highly benefited by those who are using the
internet
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 for working and teaching or only for communicating. These days, it is common to see office employees join online meetings by only connecting to small
devices
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 on their hands or students who actively discuss their ideas on their mobile cellular.
Therefore
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, the
Internet
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 has revolutionized how
people
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 access information, communicate, and conduct teaching. It has opened up avenues for education, bridging gaps between individuals and global opportunities in building a wide range of social lives. In conclusion, cellular
devices
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 cut both ways;
therefore
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,
although
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 there is a myriad of benefits offered by a smartphone and the
Internet
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, they alter physical
interaction
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.
Nevertheless
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,
such
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 effects can be avoided by educating and properly utilizing them for more beneficial communication
devices
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.

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relevant specific examples
Consider expanding on your examples and making them more specific. This will strengthen your argument and give your essay a more solid foundation. Vague or general examples may not effectively convey your point.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically into the next one. This will improve readability and help your reader to follow your argument more easily.
supported main points
Make sure that the main points in your body paragraphs directly support your thesis statement. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the opposing viewpoints and clearly states your stance on the topic. This sets up a clear framework for your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance without being repetitive. This provides a strong finish to your essay.
complete response
Your essay stays focused on the topic and addresses the question comprehensively, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear and well-organized, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social interactions
  • Human relationships
  • Face-to-face communication
  • Social isolation
  • Online relationships
  • Emotional bond
  • Empathy
  • Notifications
  • Digital content
  • Generational divide
  • Virtual community
  • Cultural exchange
  • Social media platforms
  • Globalized world
  • Superficial connections
  • Nuances
  • Distraction
  • Attentiveness
  • Interpersonal skills
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