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Band 6.5

Despite a large number of gym a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popular in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solution can you suggest.

#gym #lifestyle #world
In
this
 modern era, perception many
people
's lifestyles are different. In
this
 essay, I will suggest some arguments that support my ideas and give some solutions that make
people
 love doing any exercises, even though nowadays
people
 are more likely to spend their time not doing anything. To my way of thinking, there are many reasons why several
people
 think that
gym
 is so boring, one of the most
reasons
Correct word choice
important reasons
show examples
 is
people
 like to spend their time with something not too important
such
 as watching movies in their bedroom, playing any music they loves, scroll social media in all day and night. they forget that we need some exercise to keep our body still healthy. Their habits have negative impacts on their body health if they are doing these habits the whole time without any exercise. To solve these problems, they should be aware of their health. My suggestions are they should stop leading a sedentary lifestyle and start moving, get relaxed and do exercise or
gym
 after a long day, those
people
 need to try out outdoor activities.
For instance
, going to the
gym
 or jogging, practising sports that they like, those sports
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to stay fit and active. Another solution is not often do indoor activities, they can break using the internet or scrolling social media, and change by reading books, our brain needs to consume good nutrition and reading books is a good thing for increasing our knowledge. In conclusion, stopping a sedentary life is extremely crucial, and going to the
gym
 is an excellent solution.
Therefore
, the government should to available outdoor facilities so those
people
 can start to do some workouts.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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task achievement
Try to use more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This can help illustrate your points more effectively and make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. There are several awkward phrases and grammatical errors that could be improved for clarity.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay well.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task—discussing problems associated with a sedentary lifestyle and suggesting solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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