Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Over the past few years,the issue of
children
's free time has been widely debated. Use synonyms
However
, some Linking Words
parents
think Use synonyms
children
should spend more time on academics because Use synonyms
that is
very important for their future.In my opinion, outdoor activities are more crucial to them as I will discuss both sides in the following essay.
There is no doubt that studying in lectures is importantLinking Words
,
because Remove the comma
apply
that is
one of the basic responsibilities of students. Linking Words
For example
, in Taiwan,there is an obligate education policy which means it is compulsory for citizens to abide for 12 years of education from elementary school to high school. Linking Words
Moreover
,Some students have to go to cram school after class ,Linking Words
this
can put Linking Words
a
high pressure on students for their study performance. Remove the article
apply
Furthermore
,learning knowledge and skills is vital at a young age,because education can be a factor in future development,and is highly correlated with future success in the eyes of some Linking Words
parents
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
,some Linking Words
parents
think exercise is always the priority for their Use synonyms
children
,Use synonyms
due to
teenagers growing up very fast in Linking Words
this
time period,it is called a” golden time”. Linking Words
After
Linking Words
this
period, it becomes challenging to influence the physical growth of Linking Words
children
,Use synonyms
that is
the reason why Linking Words
parents
should put more emphasis on their health.Use synonyms
This
includes nutrition, body flexibility, and mental well-being, especially since Linking Words
children
may not cope well with excessive academic pressure.
In conclusion,studying hard in academics and doing outdoor activities are two essential factors and should not be ignored when Use synonyms
children
are growing up,provided Use synonyms
parents
can give more balance on both sides, it could be beneficial to their Use synonyms
children
.Use synonyms
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Coherence & Cohesion
Organise your ideas more clearly and use paragraphs to separate different points. A clear introductory sentence for each paragraph could enhance understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make your introduction and conclusion more distinct by clearly stating your viewpoint in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. Examples make your points more convincing and add depth to your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to balance the number of ideas and the development of each idea more evenly across your essay. While it's good to discuss multiple perspectives, ensure each is thoroughly explored.