IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some argue that secondary schools should implement volunteering
programs
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 as a mandatory course for their pupils.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with
this
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 statement because it can develop their social empathy and be grateful for what they own.
Firstly
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, volunteering
programs
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 allow
students
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 to develop their social skills and care for others.
This
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 is because through these
programs
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students
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 are given the opportunity to communicate with their peers and local people and be more empathetic with other's struggles.
For example
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, some high schools in Yogyakarta hold community service activities
at the end
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 of every second semester and every student is required to participate in these
programs
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. These events feature pupils doing a charity for residents of rural areas and conducting community empowerment through entrepreneur socialization.
Secondly
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, these life experiences enable
students
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 to be more grateful. By interacting with rural residents, they will discover how the locals encounter many limitations in their lives.
Therefore
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, children can learn and reflect on what they already have and how to maximize the facilities and resources that have been provided by their parents.
For instance
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, in Gunung Kidul, where juveniles should travel far to reach their schools, some of them are going to school on foot. Even though they must face hurdles, they still have strong motivations to diligently attend their classes. From
this
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 fact,
students
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 can self-reflect and be more responsible in their studies. In conclusion, making community service actions compulsory for high school
students
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 should be seen as a good measure because it helps instil children with good social values and reflect on their privileged lives.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a structured response with a clear introduction and conclusion, there could be more complex structures and varied connectives to improve coherence.
task achievement
Task response could be enhanced by addressing counterarguments or deeper reflections on the implications of compulsory community service, providing a more balanced and comprehensive discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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