The diagram below shows the lifecycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relavent.

The diagram below shows the lifecycle of  a species of large fish called the salmon.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relavent.
The diagram below illustrates the lifecycles of
salmon
which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
large fish.
Overall
, it can be seen those of three stages. The first one is egg
salmon
which is lower
river
fast slowing. The
last
process
is
salmon
becoming
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
. They
are starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
from one
stages
Change to a singular noun
stage
show examples
.
Salmon
egg
Fix the agreement mistake
eggs
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are laid
small
Change preposition
in small
show examples
stone and the base of reeds, the development
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
approximately five to six
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
is under
river
slowing-moving.
Then
the
process
salmon
Change preposition
of salmon
show examples
lower
river
which is fast-flowing to
River
flow
average
Correct subject-verb agreement
averages
show examples
approximately 4 years. The second
process
is
salmon
growing to become smolt
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is at 12 to 15
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
previously at 3 to 8
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
. They are growing from agg into fry.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
last
process
, the
salmon
moves to the ocean where they mature into
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
which average seventy to seventy-six
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
show examples
long.
Then
they spend about five years there. After that they
migration
Replace the word
migrate
show examples
upstream to their birthplace and
entire
Add an article
the entire
show examples
journey is
repetition
Replace the word
repeated
show examples
all over again.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, that is".
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, river, process with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifecycle
  • Eggs
  • Alevin
  • Fry
  • Parr
  • Smolt
  • Adult salmon
  • Freshwater streams
  • Gravel nests
  • Redds
  • Yolk sac
  • Camouflage markings
  • Smoltification
  • Migration
  • Spawn
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