It is a natural process of animal species to become extinct (e.g. dinosaurs, dodos, etc.). There is no reason why people should stop this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Animal
species
becoming extinct is a hotly debated topic that divides many opinions. Some people
argue that people
can not stop this
damage. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this
statement because of the many solutions that people
can take to preserve the natural world. The below passages will clarify this
argument.
On the other hand
, there are damaging activities of humans that impact wild animal life. As we know, the environment also
plays a part in the extinction
of certain species
and almost the negative actions of humans affect on. First,
the industrial plants or business companies, because of the personal benefits, they willing to harm wild animals such
as rhinos or deer for luxurious commodities.
Furthermore
, industrial waste can lead to air pollution which has a negative impact on the animal ambience. Second,
the hunter or farmer is still seeking wild predators in the forest for food or trade.
To explain, they might not hesitate to poach any prey that they see on a hunt or in the woods for their horns or skins. These things are beneficial for their trading a lot. All of the activities seemed to put many animal species
on the brink of extinction
or, in the worst-case scenario, wiped them out altogether.
On the other hand
, humans can significantly contribute to extinction
prevention and make some laws to treat the malpractices. First,
for
industries, Change preposition
apply
they
should ban suitable policies to deal with Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
large Correct article usage
apply
amount
of industrial waste. Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
For example
, they can take the code of business conduct for workers and have fitting sentences for individuals who violate it. Moreover
, we raise the awareness of citizens about the importance of protecting the environment and encourage them to participate in preserving wild animal groups or clubs. In addition
, we can convey protective messages to people
through social media or cutting-edge technology.
In conclusion, the extinction
of animals has many problems cause. Apart from the reasons for their own inexplicable extinction
, human impacts also
play a large part in this
such
as hunting or ruthless poaching. There some
solutions taken above to improve certain parts of maintaining the balance of ecosystem and biodiversity because preventing Add a missing verb
are some
extinction
is essential to maintaining a healthy world in which all species
rely on each other to survive.Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Work on using linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task. Your essay mainly focuses on human impacts on animal extinction but doesn't fully explore other natural aspects. A more balanced discussion would further strengthen your argument.
General Writing
While your ideas are clear, some sentences are a bit awkwardly phrased. For example, 'almost the negative actions of humans affect on' could be rephrased for clarity. Reviewing sentence structure and grammar can improve readability.
Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points. Mentioning specific laws, conservation efforts, or successful case studies could provide stronger evidence for your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument effectively. This helps set up expectations for the reader and provides a satisfying end to your discussion.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the task by discussing human impacts on animal extinction and proposing solutions. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
General Writing
The variety and relevance of your vocabulary are strong, which helps convey your points effectively. This showcases a good command of English.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.