Many parents today organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Do you feel that this is a worthwhile thing to do? Or do you feel children have enough education at school? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.
A significant number of parents may prefer to occupy their children’s free time with various activities,
whereas
some others believe that the education time in schools
is enough for their children. In my opinion, although
education systems in recent years have faced significant developments in the field of diversity and enrichment in topics, many aspects and subjects should be taught in a separate timetable.
Initially
, it is worth mentioning that different syllabi which can cover all facets of children’s lives require a very long time schedule. Considering the limited timetable of most schools
, it may not seem viable to suppose the education system to fulfil this
requirement. Furthermore
, each person has a unique set of abilities and preferences which should be grown and raised individually to be the most efficient. Both of these concerns may lead to important attention to another educational system apart from schools
which act more professionally in order to help pave the path of growth and insightful learning to the next generation.
On the other hand
, from an economic point of view, the existence of such
a parallel system not only attracts various professionals from different fields of study to educate children and help them to benefit from a plentiful labour market but also
the positive competition among these institutions can strength the learning ecosystem as well as
discovery
of potential new opportunities to consideration and empower the career prospects of future applicants in the fast-growing world.
In conclusion, Add an article
the discovery
while
today’s schools
are more developed and cover a range of diverse subjects, there is a need for other parallel systems to educate children in more efficient ways.Submitted by maede.shabani on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You have provided a thorough response to the task, discussing both sides of the argument and giving a clear opinion. However, you could improve your essay by including more specific examples to illustrate your points.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are clear and mostly comprehensive. To enhance clarity, consider elaborating more on each point and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, try to make the connections between paragraphs smoother by using more transition words or phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported, but incorporating specific examples would make them even stronger. Consider using examples from real-life situations or well-known studies to bolster your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion, considering both sides of the argument about whether extra classes are beneficial.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.