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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In today’s digital age, with the advancement of technology,
smartphones
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 play a key role in our lives, and
this
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 has led to the phenomenon of some
children
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 spending a considerable amount of
time
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 on their
smartphones
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will explore the root causes of
this
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 trend, and I believe that
this
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 situation brings about numerous adverse impacts on
children
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. One primary factor for
children
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 spending too much
time
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 on their
smartphones
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 is that many parents do not have
time
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 to accompany them, thereby allowing their
children
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 to use
smartphones
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 to watch videos or play games to pass the
time
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. Another reason is that empirical studies have consistently shown that when
children
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 are frequently exposed to a wide range of content on the internet, they become increasingly addicted to media platforms, which, in turn, increases their desire to use
smartphones
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 to browse websites and play games. There are many indicators that show
this
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 trend poses detrimental effects on
children
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.
Firstly
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, when
children
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 indulge in their
smartphones
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, they become reluctant to do other activities
such
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 as exercising, reading, and learning.
This
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 not only results in the degradation of cognitive ability but
also
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 in the decline of genuine human connections, which
further
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 erodes the development of social skills. From a health standpoint, spending too much
time
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 on electronic devices leads to eye strain and a sedentary lifestyle, contributing to an unhealthy physical condition. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
children
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 who spend excessive
time
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 on their
smartphones
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lead to
Verb problem
have
show examples
 numerous disadvantages: health issues, interpersonal problems, and concerns about intellectual growth, all of which generate negative impacts on
children
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's development.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
Try to include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that each point is fully elaborated to demonstrate a clear and comprehensive idea.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported well, making the arguments convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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