IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, people have a little awaress of the importance of the natural world. What are the reasons and how can people learn more about the natural world?

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These days, there exists a limited awareness among people about the paramount importance of the natural
world
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and suggest practical methods through which individuals can become more acquainted with the environment. Numerous factors contribute to the lack of connection between humans and
nature
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. A pivotal factor is the urbanization of
cities
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, which has led to the transformation of urban areas into concrete jungles, devoid of green
spaces
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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 shift, people have been progressively distanced from the natural
world
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, preventing them from fully grasping its profound significance. The modern way of life exacerbates
this
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 issue, with children,
for instance
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, being engrossed in digital entertainment,
while
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 adults are occupied with work and leisure pursuits that rarely afford them the chance to engage with
nature
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.
Furthermore
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, educational institutions often allocate prioritization to subjects other than environmental studies.
This
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 trend inadvertently leads to the neglect of
nature
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’s importance within the curriculum.
However
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, several measures can be undertaken to reverse
this
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 situation. Primarily, urban planning should prioritize the incorporation of green
spaces
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 within
cities
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. By ensuring that streets are lined with trees, and neighborhood parks are abundant,
cities
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 can encourage daily interactions with
nature
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.
Moreover
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, communal
spaces
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 should be dedicated to promoting activities like gardening and cultivating food, fostering a direct connection between individuals and the natural
world
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. To address the educational gap, integrating environmental studies into the core curriculum is imperative. When children are educated about the interdependence of human life and
nature
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 from an early age, they are more likely to develop a profound respect for the environment. In conclusion, the lack of awareness about the importance of the natural
world
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 stems from urbanization, lifestyle choices, and insufficient environmental education. To mitigate
this
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 issue,
cities
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 should prioritize green
spaces
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 and communal gardening areas , and schools should integrate comprehensive environmental studies into their curricula.

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both reasons and solutions effectively. However, incorporating more specific examples would strengthen the argument further.
task achievement
The essay is well-organized with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, try to offer more varied examples to cover different facets of the issue.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure to include clear topic sentences for each paragraph, which will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written and encapsulate the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported, contributing to a strong and persuasive argument.
task achievement
The response to the task is complete, with a focus on both reasons for lack of awareness and potential solutions.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, which makes your essay engaging and easy to understand.
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