IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other, others believe that people have become independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In modern days, with the proliferation of technology,
people
Use synonyms
 are increasingly independent of others
while
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 there are
individuals
Use synonyms
 who hold the view that
people
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 become dependent
due to
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 instant things that they get from inhabitants around them.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both sides of the statement and
also
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 summarise the writer's opinion.
Initially
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, with the development of technological methods, there will be an enormous information on online platforms which can lend a hand to
individuals
Use synonyms
 to tackle their issues without depending on their acquaintances.
Moreover
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, with just a click on social media, there will be a lot of websites or documents that can let inhabitants find the best way for problem-solving which is appropriate for them.
For instance
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, on platforms
such
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 as YouTube or TikTok, there are many videos about cooking that contain the ways to cook, ingredients and recipes for
people
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 to follow.
As a result
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,
individuals
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 do not need to ask for others' help
due to
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 the convenient features of social networking sites. Turning to the other side of the argument, with the appearance of instant products and services, citizens tend to rely on them and ignore their responsibility in some particular fields.
Furthermore
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, industrial development has improved the world a lot, which makes
people
Use synonyms
 more suitable for their lives.
As a consequence
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, the new generations will likely inherit from the old ones, which causes a reliance of teenagers on their families and lets them follow their volatile endeavours. Take the rich social classes in Korea as a good example, which is known as "chaebol", the following generations are inherited from the trailblazer to be well-known and wealthy. In conclusion, there is a large number of
individuals
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 who believe that there are more
people
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 who depend on each other, especially the youth,
whereas
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 others think that inhabitants have an independent life
due to
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 instant services. From my perspective, that trend is because of age, which decides whether one is dependent or independent.

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task achievement
While your introduction is clear, it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a seamless flow of ideas by using more varied and sophisticated transitional phrases.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and further develop your points to enhance the clarity and depth of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both viewpoints, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises your opinion in relation to the discussion, which provides a cohesive end to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are organized in paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, which contributes to the logical structure of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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