Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other, others believe that people have become independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In modern days, with the proliferation of technology,
people
are increasingly independent of others Use synonyms
while
there are Linking Words
individuals
who hold the view that Use synonyms
people
become dependent Use synonyms
due to
instant things that they get from inhabitants around them. Linking Words
This
essay will elaborate on both sides of the statement and Linking Words
also
summarise the writer's opinion.
Linking Words
Initially
, with the development of technological methods, there will be an enormous information on online platforms which can lend a hand to Linking Words
individuals
to tackle their issues without depending on their acquaintances. Use synonyms
Moreover
, with just a click on social media, there will be a lot of websites or documents that can let inhabitants find the best way for problem-solving which is appropriate for them. Linking Words
For instance
, on platforms Linking Words
such
as YouTube or TikTok, there are many videos about cooking that contain the ways to cook, ingredients and recipes for Linking Words
people
to follow. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
individuals
do not need to ask for others' help Use synonyms
due to
the convenient features of social networking sites.
Turning to the other side of the argument, with the appearance of instant products and services, citizens tend to rely on them and ignore their responsibility in some particular fields. Linking Words
Furthermore
, industrial development has improved the world a lot, which makes Linking Words
people
more suitable for their lives. Use synonyms
As a consequence
, the new generations will likely inherit from the old ones, which causes a reliance of teenagers on their families and lets them follow their volatile endeavours. Take the rich social classes in Korea as a good example, which is known as "chaebol", the following generations are inherited from the trailblazer to be well-known and wealthy.
In conclusion, there is a large number of Linking Words
individuals
who believe that there are more Use synonyms
people
who depend on each other, especially the youth, Use synonyms
whereas
others think that inhabitants have an independent life Linking Words
due to
instant services. From my perspective, that trend is because of age, which decides whether one is dependent or independent.Linking Words
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task achievement
While your introduction is clear, it could benefit from a stronger thesis statement that clearly outlines your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a seamless flow of ideas by using more varied and sophisticated transitional phrases.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and further develop your points to enhance the clarity and depth of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion of both viewpoints, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarises your opinion in relation to the discussion, which provides a cohesive end to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are organized in paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, which contributes to the logical structure of your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?