The only way to reduce drug abuse is to legalise the substances and bring them under control. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some consider that well-known negative
drug
consumption
should be legal and regulated which helps to avoid drug
misuse. This
essay disagrees with this
suggestion because it disregardsAdd an article
the
effect
of Fix the agreement mistake
effects
this
Change the determiner
this substance
these substances
substances
as well as
encourage
people Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
using
stronger types of Change the verb form
to use
drugs
in the future.
On one hand, the negative effect of any type of drugs
including tobacco is well researched and Fix the agreement mistake
drug
proved
by Correct your spelling
proven
the
Correct article usage
apply
sience
. Multiple researches discovered and provided strong Correct your spelling
science
proves
that even a small amount of Replace the word
proof
drugs
negatively influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
human
body and mental health, including lung cancer, stomach Add an article
the human
deseases
, anxiety and depression. Correct your spelling
diseases
For instance
, in Spain where drugs
were legalised several years ago, police
Correct article usage
the police
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
constanly
reporting of Correct your spelling
constantly
increasing
number of crimes related to Add an article
an increasing
the increasing
drugs
stores, Change the noun form
drug
such
as breaking in and steelling
Correct your spelling
stealing
selling
drugs
. These consequences of drug
consumption
should not be ignored and therefore
any types of drugs
must be forbidden for human consumption
.
On the other hand
, consumption
of light Correct article usage
the consumption
drugs
leads to future
use of Correct article usage
the future
more
stronger Change the word
apply
substances
.
As well-known
, Correct your spelling
Is well known
using
Correct word choice
that using
drugs
causes addiction and later, people need bigger and bigger doses in order to receive the same relaxing effect. Necessity
to increase doses can Add an article
The necessity
also
encourage clients to start using more dangerous drugs
which can lead to strong dependency from
these Change preposition
on
substances
and even death in case of overdose.
In conclusion, any consumption
of drugs
must be forbidden as they have proven negative effects on human
body and mind Add an article
the human
as well as
lead to a
Correct article usage
the
consumption
of stronger and more dangerous substances
due to
increasing of
Change preposition
apply
drug
tolerance.Submitted by lea12nz on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and outlines your position effectively. However, it can be improved by briefly mentioning the reasons you intend to discuss in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
Adding more specific examples or statistical data could strengthen your argument. For instance, examples from countries where certain drugs have been legalized and their impact on society would provide strong support for your points.
coherence cohesion
Some points in your essay need clearer development. For example, explain more about how drug legalisation could encourage the use of stronger drugs and provide practical, real-world examples if possible.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition, especially in expressing the negative effects of drugs. Once you've mentioned health issues, you can move to other aspects like societal impacts, enforcement issues, etc.
coherence cohesion
Review for minor grammatical errors and typos. For example, 'provides' instead of 'provides', 'breaking in and stealing', 'science' instead of 'sience', and 'strong dependency on' instead of 'strong dependency from'.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and contributes directly to your overall argument. There is a minor overlap in your points about the negative effects and escalation to stronger drugs which could be more distinct.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clear and concise, and you have made a strong argument against the legalisation of drugs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical progression, and your paragraphs are generally well-organized and coherent.
task achievement
You have effectively included relevant examples to support your main ideas, especially the example of Spain.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.