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Writing Samples
Band 8

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

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It is argued that the number of crimes committed by youngsters has significantly increased recently.
This
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 essay expresses the roots of the aforementioned issue and its associated possible remedies. When it comes to the available offences in society, it is essential to assess the main roots causing them. In
this
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 regard, underestimating social issues like education and culture is not logical. Actually, the more educational programs to inform the young about the consequences of anti-social behaviour, the fewer crimes can come across.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the officials, in African communities where the schools are not developed enough, many children do rude actions and break the laws.
Moreover
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, unemployment results in increasing rates of vandalism, scavengers, and so on.
In addition
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 to that, when the entertainment facilities are not established, adolescents will become bored and tend to riot. Here are some nice and effective suggestions to high-ranking officials to eradicate the offensive activities. First of all, it is obvious that making laws is the shortest and quickest way to tackle
such
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 a vexing challenge.
For example
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, the rate of addiction was notably declined by forbidding shopkeepers from selling cigarettes to children.
Furthermore
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, teaching programs including documentaries, movies, and school courses can incredibly decrease offences in the community.
Finally
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, no one can deny the importance of providing job opportunities.
This
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 leads to a rise in the level of self-satisfaction and
also
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 self-esteem, so, young people are satisfied with themselves and make a plan to promote in their personal life in a peaceful way. In conclusion,
Although
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 some violent tendencies in the teenage group have risen in a couple of years, numerous immediate and long-term strategies can be adopted to solve the problem.
However
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, its reasons should be evaluated precisely at the first step.

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task response
Your essay provides a thorough discussion of the causes and solutions to juvenile crime, addressing the task requirements well. However, more specific examples could strengthen your arguments. Consider providing detailed examples or case studies to back up your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical and clear structure, with a proper introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are connected well, but adding some linking words or phrases could further improve the flow of your essay.
task response
Some sections of your essay could benefit from clearer and more comprehensive explanations, particularly when discussing unemployment and entertainment facilities. Ensure that each main point is clearly explained and well-developed.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay begins with a clear introduction that sets the context for the discussion. This effectively outlines the focus of the essay.
logical structure
The main points are logically organized, which makes your arguments easy to follow. Each paragraph has a clear focus.
introduction conclusion present
You provide a concluding paragraph that summarizes the key points, giving your essay a strong finish.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Breakdown of family structures
  • Peer pressure
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Exposure to violence
  • Lack of recreational facilities
  • Mental health issues
  • Substance abuse
  • Weak law enforcement
  • Single-parent families
  • Parental supervision
  • Illegal activities
  • Social acceptance
  • Poverty
  • Unemployment
  • Lack of education
  • Violent neighborhoods
  • Violent media
  • Recreational options
  • Idle time
  • Impulsive behaviors
  • Aggressive behaviors
  • Insufficient policing
  • Legal consequences
  • Deter
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