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Band 7

With growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small homes that do not have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive ỏ

#populations #cities #people #homes #spaces
It is widely known that,
due to
 overpopulation in cities, a large number of
people
 are now living in houses that do not have space for recreational activities. I contend that
this
 is a negative development. The most prominent effect of
this
 phenomenon is the uncomfortableness caused by living in
such
 small spaces.
This
 is because when living in these cramped environments,
people
 will feel like they are trapped in a cell, preventing them from doing activities like their hobbies or going out with friends.
As a result
,
people
 will start to alienate themselves from the outside world, which will make their lives more miserable, which can
then
 lead to their mental health deteriorating.
For example
, many
people
 living in Hong Kong are now residents of so-called caged homes, which are rooms that are barely large enough to accommodate one person,
while
 amenities
such
 as bathrooms and kitchens are shared among the
people
 living there, creating a living space so miserable that most
people
 living in these accommodations often opt for suicide.
Furthermore
, without open spaces for the construction of public places
such
 as parks or squares where
people
 can gather to hold and participate in communal activities, the community will start to lose its value.
This
 is caused by the fact that when
people
 are not socializing with each other, individual citizens will not be able to identify themselves with the community.
Subsequently
, whenever the local area is in a desperate time of need, the
people
 living there are unlikely to cooperate to overcome the problem.
Therefore
, the local community will stop existing as a whole, as its population will become fragmented and unable to unite when needed. In conclusion, I contend that the phenomenon of an increasing number of residents forced to live in cramped housing is an
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 development
due to
 it making the lives of individuals more uncomfortable and causing communities to fragment.
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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to provide a more comprehensive overview of the essay's main points. This will improve clarity and set the stage for a well-structured argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using more varied transitional phrases to ensure seamless flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to substantiate your points further. This will strengthen the arguments and provide a richer context for your assertions.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing the prompt and presenting a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a coherent and logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points discussed in the essay are well supported and relevant, contributing to a persuasive argument.

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