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Band 7

With growing number of populations in cities. Many people are living in small homes that do not have outdoor spaces. Is this a positive ỏ

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It is widely known that,
due to
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 overpopulation in cities, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 are now living in houses that do not have space for recreational activities. I contend that
this
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 is a negative development. The most prominent effect of
this
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 phenomenon is the uncomfortableness caused by living in
such
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 small spaces.
This
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 is because when living in these cramped environments,
people
Use synonyms
 will feel like they are trapped in a cell, preventing them from doing activities like their hobbies or going out with friends.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will start to alienate themselves from the outside world, which will make their lives more miserable, which can
then
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 lead to their mental health deteriorating.
For example
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, many
people
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 living in Hong Kong are now residents of so-called caged homes, which are rooms that are barely large enough to accommodate one person,
while
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 amenities
such
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 as bathrooms and kitchens are shared among the
people
Use synonyms
 living there, creating a living space so miserable that most
people
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 living in these accommodations often opt for suicide.
Furthermore
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, without open spaces for the construction of public places
such
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 as parks or squares where
people
Use synonyms
 can gather to hold and participate in communal activities, the community will start to lose its value.
This
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 is caused by the fact that when
people
Use synonyms
 are not socializing with each other, individual citizens will not be able to identify themselves with the community.
Subsequently
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, whenever the local area is in a desperate time of need, the
people
Use synonyms
 living there are unlikely to cooperate to overcome the problem.
Therefore
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, the local community will stop existing as a whole, as its population will become fragmented and unable to unite when needed. In conclusion, I contend that the phenomenon of an increasing number of residents forced to live in cramped housing is an
unfavorable
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unfavourable
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 development
due to
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 it making the lives of individuals more uncomfortable and causing communities to fragment.

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task achievement
Expand on the introduction to provide a more comprehensive overview of the essay's main points. This will improve clarity and set the stage for a well-structured argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using more varied transitional phrases to ensure seamless flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to substantiate your points further. This will strengthen the arguments and provide a richer context for your assertions.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing the prompt and presenting a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a coherent and logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points discussed in the essay are well supported and relevant, contributing to a persuasive argument.
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