IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that children should learn to design and make things in school. Others believe that there are better things to learn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In light of the differing opinions regarding the importance of teaching
children
Use synonyms
 to design and create, I will provide a balanced discussion of the topic in the following sections. From my perspective, it is crucial to emphasize the significance of
this
Linking Words
 skill in today's world.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is essential to recognize that designing and creating objects is a crucial skill, especially for those who work in production or design companies.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals may argue that
this
Linking Words
 ability is innate and cannot be acquired, recent scientific research refutes
this
Linking Words
 notion. Studies have shown that there are commonalities in the preferences of individuals,
such
Linking Words
 as their preference for certain sounds and colour pairings. In fact, many music schools and colleges teach students how to create popular music and the key factors that contribute to making music hits. Providing
children
Use synonyms
 with the opportunity to learn design and creation methods in a manner
that is
Linking Words
 widely accepted is critical, as it allows them to express their ideas and thoughts effectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue that liberal arts lectures
such
Linking Words
 as math, physics, linguistics, and P.E. are more valuable than art lectures. They believe that spending time learning about colours and designs is a waste when
children
Use synonyms
 are unsure if they will need creative
skills
Use synonyms
 in their future careers.
However
Linking Words
, given the advancements in technology, Artificial Intelligence (AI) is expected to replace many non-creative jobs in the future. In fact, AI is already being used in some hospitals to provide differential diagnoses
instead
Linking Words
 of physicians and radiologists. It is not difficult to imagine that creativity will become increasingly important in many workplaces. In conclusion, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn various artistic
skills
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as decorating, colouring, painting, and moulding,
as well as
Linking Words
 other subjects. These
skills
Use synonyms
 are important for marketing and attracting the viewer's attention. As society continues to change, it is essential to teach the
skills
Use synonyms
 that are needed to succeed in the modern world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay effectively introduces and concludes the discussion, the writer could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the argument further. Additionally, the argument could be balanced by addressing opposing views in a slightly more detailed manner, ensuring each side is given equal weight before presenting a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay's coherence and cohesion are strong, with clear logical progression and appropriate paragraphing. However, the writer should ensure that transitions between ideas are always smooth and fluid, as some sections could be more seamlessly connected.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.
logical structure
The main points are logically structured and transitions are generally effective, contributing to a coherent overall argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clear and comprehensive ideas are articulated, demonstrating the writer's ability to present a balanced discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: