In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.
Some cultures encourage
children
to try hard for their dreams
to make them
true. Verb problem
come
Although
being passionate can make children
achieve their goals, it can have some negative impacts on their lives. This
essay will discuss the merits and demerits of this
belief and draw some conclusions.
On the one hand, encouraging children
to work hard for their dreams
makes them to have a mental health. This
can be shown by being passionate and optimistic about life, which are the key factors in leading a better life. Moreover
, this
can help to make a positive society because when everyone is working, the crime rate decreases. In more industrial cities, for example
, the rate of crime is less than in other ones because most people are busy doing their jobs. Also
, it has been reported that in some seasons people are more happy because they are busy and making profits.
On the other hand
, telling children
to work hard for their goals can have a negative effect on their future lives. This
can be shown by losing the childhood games and staying behind the school curriculums. What I mean is that when children
are told to work hard for their dreams
, some of them might pay less attention to their education and do not care about school. For example
, a child who wants to be a soccer player will not see anything in school, so ignore it. This
can lead to having less qualified people in the future.
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that some cultures tell children
to try and make their dreams
true, it can be sometimes harmful. In my opinion, children
should not be forced to do anything and they should play and live in their own world.Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and that this idea is fully developed. The second main body paragraph introduces a point about children neglecting their education but doesn't provide sufficient elaboration or examples.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. For instance, you could present statistical data or real-world cases about children achieving their dreams through hard work or the negative effects of excessive pressure on children.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clear, concise topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This helps in making your essay more organized and easier to follow.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic and provides a brief outline of what the essay will cover.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and provides a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical flow of information from the introduction to the conclusion, which aids in reader comprehension.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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