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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

#people #school #attitudes #causes？how #study？
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In
this
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 modern world, it looks like schools do not currently meet the needs of younger generations. What is more, many institutions insist on the use of obsolete technology that has no comparison with the social media and resources used in
this
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 era. Unfortunately,
this
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 situation produces discontent in many
students
Use synonyms
, who may
also
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 think of leaving school, because the curricula of their courses and the teachers do not meet their interest. In my opinion, the gap between the contents that
students
Use synonyms
 learn at school and the reality that they face day by day is mainly a product of the scarce investment in education, which has dramatically decreased worldwide. What is more, many countries have focused on creating new jobs, disregarding the skills and abilities needed to fill those posts.
On the other hand
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, it is certain that there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 no incentives for
students
Use synonyms
 who are in their
last
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 years of high school to think of any brilliant future, regarding the uncertainty that unemployment, permanent crises and
inestability
Correct your spelling
instability
 provoke. From my point of view, I do strongly believe that the current generations should be
fostered
Verb problem
encouraged
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 to follow their passions, whatever the context is.
This
Linking Words
 would translate into professionals who love what they make and highly motivated learners.
Additionally
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, governments should increase their investments in education and educational institutions
promote
Fix the infinitive
to promote
show examples
 vocational courses and incorporate more modern technology in order to keep the
students
Use synonyms
 motivated. Summarising, the more governors invest in education today, the better professionals we will have in the future, no matter what activity they choose.
Submitted by laura.trevino.ar on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention specific technologies or skills that are currently obsolete and suggest how modern technology could be effectively integrated in educational systems.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, ensure that each paragraph has a clear, focused point and avoid repeating ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining the issue and your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both causes and potential solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
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