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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reason? What are the effects on society and family life?

#people #children #life #reason #effects #society
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Presently, a lot of people decide to have children not in
initially
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 of their life. There are some reasons for
this
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 decision, and the most important reasons are economically situation, and the worry for children which their parents have.
this
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 essay will mention some pros and cons of society and family life. On the one hand, with an unstable economic situation, most younger are worried about their future. It means that they do have not the ability to take care of their baby,
due to
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 their low monthly income.
For example
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, most of them are unemployed or do have not a well-paying job, so they can not pay their monthly expenses or their bills.
Therefore
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, it could be difficult for them to have a child.
As a result
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, it could be more beneficial for the country, because they do not spend money to carry the children.
On the other hand
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, young parents need more time to be a better person. It means that
,
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 when they are young they have more important issues, which have to be fixed.
For instance
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, many couples get therapy for their problems,
Therefore
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, they have to concentrate on their difficulty rather than anything else
,
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 and develop their personality.
Besides
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, it could be more beneficial for society,
thus
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 they may have a population with some right communities. in conclusion, parents prefer not to have an early baby,
due to
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 the economic system.
Moreover
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, they feel responsible for their child's mental health, because they have to focus on their own problems. Generally, it is more beneficial for society.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one sentence to the next. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or argument.
task achievement
While you have covered the main reasons why people decide to have children later, you should also consider exploring other reasons and effects more comprehensively.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help support your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity. For instance, avoid errors like 'not in initially of their life'.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
You have identified relevant reasons for why people are choosing to have children later in life.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes the main points of your essay.
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