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Band 6

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children’s story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other useful activities. To what extent do you agree?

There is no denying the fact that some people believe that
kids
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 are wasting their time when they spend a lot of time reading
stories
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instead
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 of doing other activities.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that allocating most of their time to activities may be more beneficial, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that reading is essential for
kids
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 in many ways.
To begin
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 with, reading books could give
children
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 important life lessons.
In other words
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, when
kids
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 read the experiences that
stories
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 trying to tell, their knowledge
for
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of
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 life would extend.
In addition
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,
kids
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 learn empathy and values through the characters and situations they read about.
For example
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, “The Tortoise and The Hare” teaches us the lesson that everyone can achieve success when they believe in themselves. Another point to consider, reading boosts imagination significantly in
children
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,
helps
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and helps
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 them develop their ideas. It is possible to say that
stories
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 inspire creative thinking by presenting new ideas, allowing
children
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 to explore other places and characters through images.
Moreover
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, imagination enhances problem-solving by allowing
children
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 to think outside the box.
For instance
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, Pinocchio encourages imagination by showing that whenever Pinocchio lies, his nose grows longer. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that books reading should be a primary activity for
kids
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 as it allows them to grow their life knowledge and create new skills through learning from
stories
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.
Additionally
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, reading could help in enhancing
the
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apply
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creative thinking, which they need for solving problems and achieving their goals.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider structuring your arguments more clearly to ensure logical progression between points.
task achievement
Elaborate on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive argument, especially in your supporting points.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, stating that reading is essential for children.
task achievement
You effectively identified the benefits of reading, such as empathy and imagination, which is commendable.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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