IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are forgetting the actual meaning of occasions (e.g. national festivals). What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions do you suggest?

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Festivals indeed bring more pleasures. But a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 fail to recall the real essence of carnivals. Hectic work schedules and personal celebrations are the primary reasons for
this
Linking Words
 tendency, even though several remedies can overcome
this
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 issue.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many
people
Use synonyms
 forget to celebrate their national festivals
such
Linking Words
 as the independence and religious-related festivals. One of the main causes of that individuals are living in a modern era with fast-paced, so they are pre-occupied with their daily routine without
think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 about national celebrations.
For example
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,
the indepenceday
Correct word choice
independent
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not celebrate with
patriotic
Replace the word
patriotism
show examples
besides
Linking Words
 they love to spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time with their loved ones. Another main reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 give more significance to personal celebrations like birthdays, and anniversaries because they like to spend time with their family members, relatives and friends
while
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 they get a lot of fun and memories.
Although
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 there are solutions that can overcome
this
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 issue. One of the major remedies is that the authorities should encourage the population to celebrate the national carnivals
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 conducting stage shows or plays about the freedom warriors.
For instance
Linking Words
, local authorities should conduct speech poet and dance competitions in schools
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Independence Day, and
as a result
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, students have more patriotism towards nations since childhood. Another main solution is that the local newspapers should release based on the freedom
warriers
Correct your spelling
warriors
 and
relious
Correct your spelling
religious
 heroes' biographies as documentaries and
stories-based
Correct your spelling
stories based
show examples
 on news. In conclusion, individuals fail to remember and celebrate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national occasions because of pre-occupied daily
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
 and personal
celebartions
Correct your spelling
celebrations
celebration
. Creating awareness to the public through stage shows, plays, stories and documentaries about warriors and freedom fighters
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 patriotism and stimulate to
celebate
Correct your spelling
celebrate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national occasions.

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coherence
The essay has a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which demonstrates a clear logical flow. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect coherence and readability. For example, 'the indepenceday people do not celebrate with patriotic besides they love to spend a time with their loved ones.' This could be better phrased as 'people do not celebrate Independence Day patriotically; instead, they prefer spending time with their loved ones.'
task response
The points made in the essay are relevant to the topic and the ideas are quite clear. However, the examples provided could be more specific and varied to strongly support the main arguments. For instance, instead of simply mentioning 'local authorities should conduct speech poet and dance competitions in schools,' you can specify further how these measures can create long-term impacts.
task response and coherence
The essay displays efforts to introduce solutions to the problem, which is positive. Further improvements can be made by elaborating on the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. Additionally, try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
coherence
The essay follows a solid structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task response
The main points are relevant and aligned with the topic, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task response
There is a strong attempt to provide solutions to the problem, showing critical thinking and engagement with the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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