IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Countries such as China, India, and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact, many experts are of the opinion that the population ‘explosion’ which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet. Give some suggestions to address this problem

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It is true in the present era, more and more nations suffer from unsustainable population growths like China, India, and Japan. Generally,
this
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 phenomenon is considered a crucial risk.
Therefore
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,
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 essay will deleve several solutions to reduce
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 event, by supporting relevant examples and insights. On the
one
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 hand, the education aspect plays an essential role in solving
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 issue. To illustrate more, many individuals claim to study
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 field which has a variety of benefits.
One
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 key advantage is that increases the level of awareness. The Omani Educational Association indicated a lot of learners of the University are aware of
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 problem for families especially, and societies in public.
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, education is
one
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 of the suggestions.
On the other hand
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, certain occupations allow parents to avoid
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 idea. To clarify, numerous women spend a lot of period at work.
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, they limited the number of members in a family.
Moreover
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, a study published at the University of Nizwa shows that women who study in
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 administration have two or three
children
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 rather than housewives. As a sequence,
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 category of people does have not adequate time to interest their kids.
In addition
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, the
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 suggestion is that the government policy. More individuals are concerned about the rules of the country. To demonstrate more, the government put strict rules to reduce the number of populations.
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, in India, whole families have three
children
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 and have all the facilities to live in a safe region.
However
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, a report by UNESCO survey showed that 90% of parents worry about their
children
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 in crowded sites and the system of the country. In conclusion, I am convinced population growth plays a large fraction in different fields of lifestyle.
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, I totally agree
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 phenomenon poses a huge risk to people on
one
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 aspect and to the community is the other side.
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, the government should encourage their residents to drop the number of
children
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 over
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 period and have strict rules to avoid
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 trend.

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task achievement
Ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction is clear and directly addresses the question. This will strengthen your argument and provide a solid foundation for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clearly defined main idea that directly supports the thesis. Some ideas in your paragraphs feel slightly disjointed and could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, in the paragraph discussing education, you mention the Omani Educational Association; specifying what initiatives they are advocating for would enrich your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words more effectively can help improve the transitions between your ideas, making the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay addresses a significant global issue and presents multiple perspectives on how to address population growth, demonstrating awareness of the topic's complexity.
task achievement
There are attempts to provide supporting evidence for your claims, which is essential for building a logical argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsustainable population growth
  • population explosion
  • family planning programs
  • gender equality
  • economic development
  • sustainable growth
  • fertility rates
  • technological advancements
  • infrastructural development
  • incentivize
  • tax benefits
  • subsidies
  • environmental impacts
  • social impacts
  • healthcare systems
  • reproductive health services
  • contraception
  • legislative measures
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