IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that it will be one of the best ways to solve the environment problems to increase the cost of fuel for car and other vehicles. to what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #environment #cost #fuel #car #vehicles
Environmental pollutions are believed to be measured best by an increase in
cost
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the cost
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 of
fuels
Fix the agreement mistake
fuel
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 for
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 and other modes of
transport
. The writer disagrees with
this
 opinion
due to
 its
damages
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damage
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 to the economy and other contributing factors. Advocates of rising fuel
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 for cars and other means of
transport
 might argue that
this
 approach can cause a decline in the number of private vehicles as people cannot afford to use them, decreasing the amount of carbon footprint and other toxic gases
as a result
.
However
,
this
 means that public
transport
 should be enhanced.
Supposed
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Supposedly
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 not, people will just risk using their own possessions as the efficiency of
traveling
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travelling
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 is decreased because of problems like delays.
In addition
, ships and
aircrafts
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aircraft
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 perhaps require higher logistic fees to compensate for exorbitant fuels, resulting in the loss of income for delivery companies
as well as
 the well-being of international business. There are other reasons causing the decline of the environment.
Firstly
, the prevalence of trash from a throw-away society
makes
Wrong verb form
has made
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 the natural decomposing process of the Earth for thousands of years no longer effective enough.
Secondly
, if people blame
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transportation for air pollution, they could
have
Verb problem
turn
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 a blind eye
on
Change preposition
to
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damages
Correct article usage
the damages
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 caused by agriculture. It is rising cattle that account for a larger proportion of greenhouse gases, particularly methane,
whereas
 the expansion of farmland leads to deforestation around the world,
for instance
, in
Amazon
Correct article usage
the Amazon
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, putting
of
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off
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 the absorbing process of carbon dioxide.
Therefore
, fostering recycling campaigns and sustainable green agriculture seem to be more feasible solutions. In conclusion, imposing a high price on
fuels
Correct article usage
the fuels
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 of cars and other modes of
transport
 is not the best measure to address environmental pollution. The higher fuel cost just causes financial problems,
whereas
 there are other factors leading to the pollution that yearn
urgent
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for urgent
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 action.

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the task and gives a clear position on the topic. However, to further improve, ensure each idea is thoroughly developed and supported with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases are used well, and the flow of the essay is generally smooth. However, some transitions could be made even clearer to improve the logical structure. For example, using additional linking words between sentences to show cause and effect can enhance coherence.
language
Some vocabulary and phrases can be refined for precision. For example, rather than 'supposed not,' you could say 'if public transport is not improved.' Try to use a variety of sentence structures as well to maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which makes your essay's purpose clear from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
You provide a well-rounded conclusion that succinctly summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion.
task achievement
You address multiple perspectives in your essay, showing a good grasp of the issue's complexity.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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