Sports programmes are very popular on television nowadays. Some people argue that those programmes are the reasons for poor health of many young people as the prefer to watch sports rather than partake in them. Do you agree or disagree with this view ?
Sports
programs are excessively aired on television. Many individuals support the notion that watching sports
on TV contributes to youngsters showing reluctance to do
Unnecessary verb
apply
exercise
; however
, I hold the conviction that mental health can be a vital feature that leads people to stay motivated to do sports
.
On the one hand, supporters of this
belief point out that doing exercise
and experiencing excitement can similarly
release hormones of happiness into the body. It means that, if a person aims to achieve this
feeling, he should be physically active. Therefore
, audiences of sports
on television get excited and their bodies' demands for happiness hormones are satisfied; consequently
, they will lose their interest in physical activities. In the United States, for instance
, a survey conducted in 2023 showed that 40 per cent of younger generations reported they had a high level of excitement watching sports
programs on TV and therefore
they did not consider it required to do exercise
to get a feeling of cheerfulness and thrill.
Conversely
, opponents of this
idea refer to the fact that there are more determining factors that might be effective in people's attitude
towards being physically active. Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
In other words
, mental health and time
are thought to be more serious deterrent reasons. A depressed person, for instance
, struggles with some internal and mental problems, which make him physically fatigue
and unable to have a routine for doing Wrong verb form
fatigued
exercise
. An individual who is also
forced to work eight hours a day, will not be able to dedicate enough time
to staying active. As a consequence
, watching sports
on TV has nothing to do with this
group of people's motivation to function physically. Let us take the UK as an example, where 60 per cent of those who are not at an appropriate fitness level, blamed their time
limitation as the main reason for their laziness and underactivity.
In conclusion, after taking the aforementioned points into consideration, I am inclined to believe that, although
lower levels of physical activity are due to
the increased broadcast of sports
programs, more remarkable factors encompassing lack of time
and mental health should be known as reasons for decreasing fitness activities.Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a solid response to the prompt, it could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly link back to the task. Ensure each paragraph begins with a concise point that is then expanded upon with examples and details.
coherence cohesion
Try to smooth the transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Some of the points, though relevant, seem slightly disjointed. Utilizing more transitional phrases can help in creating a more fluid and coherent piece.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with examples. However, varying the sentence structures and integrating more diverse vocabulary can elevate the overall cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a balanced argument with relevant examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and presents a final opinion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear logical flow in the progression of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument presented.