IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people use social media every day to get in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's age, social
media
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 has deeply infiltrated everyone's life and is believed to replace face-to-face interaction. From my perspective, the advantages of being bullied on the Internet and the reduction in assessing direct contacts eclipse the advantages of connecting
people
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. On the one hand, the primary beneficial factor of using social
media
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 is that it can connect
people
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 to be closer.
This
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 is because there are loads of networking sites allowing individuals with similar senses of interests to have a chat with each other.
Therefore
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, it will gradually form many positive relationships from discussing a topic together.
For example
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, millions of bonds have been created, thanks to Facebook, which permits users to communicate with others.
On the other hand
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, the disadvantage of being the victim of cyberbullying needs to be considered. As there has been a limitation in strict rules and regulations in managing individuals' speech,
people
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 can freely express their opinions on social
media
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 regardless of toxic contents in them which absolutely pose an adverse influence on the ones suffering. For that reason,
this
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 lack of censorship leads to plenty of problems relating to one's welfare,
such
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 as stress and depression.
Furthermore
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, the overuse of social
media
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 can
also
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 be the cause of the importance's downplay of direct contact. When the screen time is far too high, users will get used to living in the virtual world which can make them feel isolated from real-life conversations
due to
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 the loss of necessary communication skills.
Therefore
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,
people
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 will not prioritize and notice the significance of face-to-face interaction anymore. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 brings about the benefit of bonding strangers closer, the downsides of social
media
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 replacing direct conversations are more significant than the good side because of the above-mentioned ideas.

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Introduction
The introduction lays out the scope of the essay but could benefit from clearer phrasing. Make sure to avoid convoluted syntax to maintain readability.
Transition
Your essay shows good organization and flow. However, ensure that your body paragraphs transition smoothly from one point to another. Consider using more transitional phrases and sentences to enhance the flow.
Example Utilization
Strengthen your main points with more specific and varied examples. This will add credibility to your arguments and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Paragraph Structure
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence and sticks to a single main idea. This will make your essay easier to follow and more coherent.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis in a clear way.
Complete Response
You provide a complete response to the prompt and cover both advantages and disadvantages.
Balanced Viewpoint
Your essay offers a balanced viewpoint, considering both the positive and negative aspects of social media.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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