Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that everyone should spend all of their time on education until they are mature.

This

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writer agrees with

this

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statement because of successful careers and better life quality. It must be considered that study is the fastest way to succeed.

In other words

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, going to school helps children achieve more knowledge, so they can pass the exam and do their favourite careers in the future.

Moreover

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, people who have university degrees can be employed easily by companies and businesses.

Therefore

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, individuals can have well-paid careers and look after their family members. Take Samsung as a prime example, that company only hire labourers who hold diplomas of good grades, so that they can ensure the quality of work is always good.

However

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, some people believe that entertainment and relaxation should be involved

due to

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the stress when they study.

This

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may be true, but education is still the priority. It must be understood that residents could have good profiles for their work if they studied hard and achieved high scores in their exams. What is more, graduates from well-known universities can be the targets for large companies.

As a consequence

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, they can earn a huge amount of money and reach higher positions in their jobs. From prior knowledge, graduates from Foreign Trade University are the priority in the selection of many large industries. In conclusion, the idea of studying until 18 has a lot of benefits.

Additionally

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, students can get good jobs in the future by concentrating on education.

Tue Jun 11 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs. However, ensure each paragraph contains only one main idea. For instance, merge the points about achieving high scores and getting good jobs into separate paragraphs for clarity.

task achievement

Expand on your arguments with more diverse examples. You mainly mentioned company employment and university graduates. Include other aspects like personal development or societal benefits for a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and align well with your argument, providing a consistent stance throughout the essay.

task achievement

You provided relevant examples such as Samsung and Foreign Trade University, which effectively supported your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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Everyone should stay in school until they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries around the world men and women are having children later in life. What are the reasons for this development? What are the effects on society and family life?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some people think government should spent money on languages that are dying and a few number of people uses them, some think this is a waste of resources. Discuss both views and tell what's your take on this issue.