IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that reducing income inequality is critical to ensuring a happier society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #income #inequality #society
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There is a widely held view that the reduction of salary inequality between the rich and poor public is responsible for a happy resident. Living styles and social behaviour depend on
this
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 difference. I totally agree with
this
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 statement and the reasons behind my thought will be discussed in the essay. First of all, minimizing the variations in earnings will make the lifestyles of both categories the same. Poor ones
also
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 get a chance to eat healthy food and wear good quality clothes.
For instance
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, when there is a big difference between the earnings of different classes
then
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 poor ones will not get a chance to experience those facilities that the rich people get.
That is
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 why the difference in the amount of revenue should be reduced.
Moreover
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, the minimization of the gap will
also
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 the responsible for the positive behaviours of every society level to each other. Eventually, the community environment becomes more harmonious. To exemplify, usually wealthy individuals are very proud because of their bank balance, good career, and high income. Because of
this
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, they try to degrade those with less income, which unfortunately makes the social surroundings negative and demotivating.
Hence
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, it is imperative to lessen the gap in pay between high and low social classes. In conclusion, some people believe that there should be cut imbalance of salaries between the underprivileged and well-being people because it has impacts on the way of life and civic harmony. I completely agree with
this
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 view, considering the previously mentioned causes.
Submitted by helainhye2 on

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task achievement
Be sure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction which directly addresses the question of extent to which you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with more detailed examples to support your arguments and better illustrate your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical flow by using a variety of cohesive devices and checking for over- or under-use. This will help paragraphs to link more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and a summary sentence at the end to enhance the clarity of your main points and aid in logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding on the conclusion by restating your viewpoint more forcefully and summarizing the main points of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Income disparity
  • Social harmony
  • Access to
  • Healthcare
  • Opportunities
  • Community connections
  • Social tensions
  • Motivation
  • Innovation
  • Achievable
  • Desirable
  • Government policies
  • Tax reforms
  • Social welfare
  • Minimum wage
  • International comparisons
  • Psychological impact
  • Self-esteem
  • Mental health
  • Economic growth
  • Income brackets
  • Wealth distribution
  • Social mobility
  • Universal basic income
  • Redistribution of wealth
  • Gini coefficient
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